tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-72950564432654531382024-03-16T11:50:56.272-07:00Pretty Much for the Most PartThis, that and the other. Everything including the kitchen sink.VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.comBlogger58125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-46794962792834670332023-07-20T07:58:00.001-07:002023-07-20T07:58:52.708-07:00A Challenging Two Months<p>These past two months have been a challenge for me, both physically and spiritually. A challenge I wasn't sure I was up to. </p><p>A couple of months ago I went to the dermatologist for a spot on my face that I thought for sure was going to start growing a hair out of it. Instead of coming away with just a (eventual) spot-free face, I also came away with a diagnosis of Melanoma on my lower back and I needed to have surgery to remove it (and I would find out later from the surgeon, a lymph node). As the hubby and I say.....well that escalated quickly!</p><p>Now mind you, this particular spot on my back I have had for years, so I've never really given it much thought. I have routinely asked the hubby if it looked like it had changed any and the answer was always no. So when I was told what it was and that surgery was required, I really didn't give it a lot of thought.</p><p>It wasn't until the surgeon was in a hurry to get me scheduled that any sort of apprehension really started to appear. Which if that happens, don't run to google like I did. It doesn't help. It was at this point that I found out that Melanoma is the deadliest of all skin cancers if not caught early. Remember, I said I had this spot for years. The seed of fear had now been planted.</p><p>Now, I put on a brave face because I was still telling myself and others, this was nothing. My husband didn't even come to any of the appointments because I didn't think it was necessary. I even told him he didn't have to wait at the hospital while I was in surgery. I was going to be there all day with the lymph node test and surgery, so I didn't want him to have to sit in the waiting room that whole time for a "minor" procedure.<br /></p><p> But as I lay in that hospital bed in pre-op, by myself, I wished I had him stay. I could hear all the other patients talking to their family/friends all around me. It was at this point that fear started to rise and I tried to keep the tears from coming. Being alone with my thoughts was not a good thing. I had my phone with me so I tried to listen to worship music, but even that couldn't get through the noise of the fear. I tried doing a crossword, and that helped a little because it kept my mind active enough to quiet the fear a little. Quiet enough that I could hear that still small voice whisper and remind me that I needed to do my Bible reading for the day. (I'm doing a plan for reading the Bible in a year) </p><p>So I open up the Bible app and the first chapter of the day is Psalms 23. And just like that fear was silenced. I continued reading the chapters for the day and they all washed over me. What's that saying....."Peace like a river" and that is exactly how it was. All fear was silenced and joy filled my heart. I knew He was in charge.</p><p>It would be another 11 days before I knew the results of the surgery. Would they get it all?? Did it spread?? In the meantime, after getting home and seeing the incisions, we realized how "minor" this surgery wasn't.....yes, wasn't! I had a 6inch incision on my back that looked like a Frankenstein operation and 2 inch incision on my underarm where they took the lymph node. Both hubby and myself were surprised. After all the spot on my back was about the size of a fingernail.</p><p>So when I saw those scars, fear began to take hold again. And again, I put on a brave face for myself and others. I knew this was going to be the end of it, but fear was still trying seep in. I kept waiting for the phone call that never came during those 11 days of waiting.</p><p>Then came the Sunday before my Tuesday follow-up appointment and a Word came that <b>Jesus didn't take those stripes in vain</b>(paraphrasing). A light bulb went off, and a flame begin to build again, but fear is an enemy that doesn't like to give up, and it didn't. So Tuesday arrives, my follow-up appointment with the surgeon isn't until the end of the day. Which means I have to think about it all day! Thankfully, I have to take my daughter-in-law to the airport, so on the way back from the airport I put on my Bible reading for day to listen to as I'm driving. I'm still in Psalms, it does have 150 chapters after all, and the last chapter for the day is Psalms 91. Peace like a river! </p><p>We (hubby went with me to this visit) meet with the surgeon and he tells us they got it all and it didn't spread! We also went back to the cancer doc the next day, who said the same thing, and said I didn't need to come back to her again. Praise the Lord! <br /></p><p>Now hindsight is always 20/20 right?!?! As the hubby and I looked back on this journey, we saw God at work in every stage of the process: I never would have gotten that spot checked if it weren't for the spot on my face.(No, I'm not saying God gave me the spot). <span> </span>If my husband had gone with me to any of the appointments, we probably wouldn't have taken it very seriously and probably looked at alternatives. He is not a fan of doctors after having worked with them for many years, feels most are out for their "pound of flesh". Even though I told him they were going to remove a lymph node, he doesn't remember that and he would have probably tried to talk me out of it. If he had been with me at the hospital, I probably wouldn't have done the Bible reading when I did. The timing of the chapters themselves -Psalms 23 at the beginning and Psalms 91 at the end.</p><p>Now some might say, "well, you had that spot for a long time with no symptoms so you knew it wasn't going to to be anything anyway", and that very well may be. BUT, and it's a big but, there is still room for fear AND if I hadn't even gone the dermatologist in the first place, who knows when I would have found out! God is in control and knows the beginning and the end. If any of those circumstances had been different I wouldn't have seen Him move the way He did. The perfect timing of the scriptures alone, leaves me in wondrous awe of His majesty. </p><p>God is good, and I will NOT let Jesus take those stripes in vain!<br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><br /><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-86816453539601134052022-08-30T10:55:00.003-07:002022-08-30T10:55:37.875-07:00Life goes on, so let's make it count.<p> It's been a little over two years since I wrote anything in this blog, let alone opened it and looked at it. I don't know why I did today, but I did. I no longer do the review sites, or "get paid to" sites that I plugged on this blog, albeit not very well, so I decided to get rid of those posts. Honestly, I'm not sure any of the sites are even still there. So I decided to just bring this blog back to what I wanted......ramblings of whatever is on my mind at the time. </p><p>While "cleaning up" this blog, I went down memory lane as I read some of things I have written over the past 10 years. (Yes, 10 years!) I saw how much my life has changed over those years as well, even in the last 2 years since I last posted. </p><p>Both my kids have turned into wonderful adults that I am proud of. I'm still working at the Chiropractor's office 7 years later, only now I'm the office manager. The dog has gotten greyer, but then haven't we all? We've survived a pandemic, although many still struggle(physically, mentally, and financially) because of everything that went along with it. And I've had the honor of taking care of both sets of parents and helping them on the last leg of their journey through their lives. In fact, my mother moved back in with us this past April for financial reasons, but we know that this will definitely be her last move. And while yes, she is my mother and we will drive each other crazy(have I mentioned she is VERY hard of hearing???) I wouldn't change it for anything. Like I said, I am honored to be able to have her with us and be a part of her journey on this last leg. How long that journey will last, I have no idea, but I don't think it will be a short one as she shows no signs of slowing down.</p><p>So what do the next 10 years hold? Who knows, but I can't wait to find out and maybe I will even share some of it with you here. But no promises. Life is worth living and experiencing for yourself and that is what I'm going to try and do. We only get one chance at it, so let's make it count!</p><p><br /></p>VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-14530368818357087762020-05-12T20:37:00.001-07:002020-05-12T20:37:57.474-07:00It's not about you........<div>I've struggled thinking about this post, on how to start it, how to express what I want to say without hurting feelings, or offending someone. But really is that even a reasonable expectation with everything going on. I can hear the voices saying "Just say it, don't worry about what others think!" But that is what has gotten us where we are now.....in the middle of a pandemic, our economy on the verge of collapse and no one wanting to listen to (or even consider) the other side. It's become an "Us vs Them". Sure it's been that way for awhile, but never more apparent than now. </div><div><br /></div><div>Lines have been drawn. Walls have been built. Flags have been planted.</div><div><br /></div><div>It shouldn't be that way. During this time we should be coming together to help each other. Instead we have one side yelling "Murderers!!" and the other side screaming "Freedom!!" and never the two sides will meet. <br /><br />Now before I go further I should say, I realize, that there are those that do meet in the middle, but unfortunately their voices seem to be in the minority. Squeaky wheel gets the oil and all that, you know. Those squeaky wheels have brought me great sadness, a sadness that at times can be overwhelming. My heart hurts.</div><div><br /></div><div>Now is the time we should be coming together, instead we are only more inwardly focused then ever before. We have to be able to see past our own nose. We have to or our our republic, our life, as we know it will never be the same. We have to be able to see the other side, whether we agree with it or not. We have to listen.</div><div><br /></div><div>With that being said......here goes!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div>On one side you have the people who are fearful, genuinely terrified. They may have a pre-existing condition that would make them highly susceptible to the corona-virus. They may have a family member who is. They may just want to play it on the safe side because they are afraid they will die if they get it. All they hear is gloom and doom. Fear is a strong emotion, and one that is not easy to overcome. So what if wearing a mask is required?? Are they hard to breathe through??? Yes. But, if you are making just one person more comfortable isn't it worth it?? For this specific pandemic, a mask is not for your protection. It's for someone else's. It's not about you. It doesn't trample on your rights. There is no need to fight, or shoot, someone over this.....that is just foolishness. It saddens me when I hear those stories.</div><div><br /></div><div>Notice, I used the word REQUIRED, but again I say, think about the other side for just a moment. </div><div><br /></div><div>On the other side you have those who wondered why we were shutting down the whole world, when we've never done it before in modern times for any other pandemic. Those who may never have believed in it. Those who have followed the stay-at-home orders, and those who haven't, and are ready to get back to work, to get this economy going again only to see the goalposts moved again. They are dealing with their own fear. Their gloom and doom is a depression even worse then the Great Depression itself, we are already close to the unemployment rate that was back then. Our country won't survive. We already see the shortages of items. That will only get worse the longer this goes on. It's not about you. We need to get our country back to work. Instead of hoping that those who want to open up the economy get the virus and die, why don't you hope that they can get back to work and live? Why don't you hope that we are past the worst of it? It saddens me when I see people say those things.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHlcCHJuBfNoj7X-GyFR2ThMB24ZM595V9n_0SzKSDGo4Wppq6xXOCbuM0_-CD3P8ENi2S7jZYsPRMIw5SJJJ2inOVB6gfsOoU4FpTetM2H1WzvcHkK_t3EEPcy5T-jic3PHr4d_eDh-Mi/" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="675" data-original-width="960" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHlcCHJuBfNoj7X-GyFR2ThMB24ZM595V9n_0SzKSDGo4Wppq6xXOCbuM0_-CD3P8ENi2S7jZYsPRMIw5SJJJ2inOVB6gfsOoU4FpTetM2H1WzvcHkK_t3EEPcy5T-jic3PHr4d_eDh-Mi/s320/Wisdom-about-fear-and-worrying.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Why does it have to be one or the other?! Why can't it be both? Why does it have to be all or nothing. What happened to compromise. America is the greatest nation on the planet....sorry people from elsewhere. We are better than how we have been. Stop letting talking heads (political and medical) determine our fate, your fate.</div><div><br /></div><div>Businesses need to open AND people need to feel safe. We can have both.</div><div><br /></div><div>As we go through this pandemic, we must remember we are all going through it TOGETHER, but we are not all in the same place. It's not about you, it's about preferring others before yourself. It's about taking a breath, and thinking about the other person. You don't have to agree with them, but you should listen and try to understand. It's about caring for your fellow man, not just the one's that agree with you.</div><div><br /></div>2020 has been quite the year and we are nearly half of the way through it. My only hope is that the last half will be better then the first.VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-53865733560442520642020-01-31T14:21:00.002-07:002020-01-31T14:21:59.254-07:00Don't miss the opportunitiesI don't get mad easily. I also don't like to get mad, because when I do, I lose it, and by lose it I mean I start to shake and cry. I don't yell or scream, I never have, but I cry. Nothing says angry like a red, puffy face streaming with tears. So I try to avoid confrontation at all cost, or at least after a certain point. Usually that point is when I feel like I am not being heard or listened to, basically feeling like I'm just being disregarded.<br />
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I'm usually pretty good at avoiding those type of situations in a public setting. Mostly because I don't like causing a scene and having attention focused on me. It's easier to just let the other person believe what they want, especially when I know I am not going to change their mind. For the most part, the things we get angry over are really not that important anyways and I've been good at trying to look at things from the other person's perspective.....most of the time.<br />
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But when I feel like they don't even want to hear what I have to say, or care to hear what I am saying, or just feel like I'm being ignored or forgotten, AND if I am not careful and not paying attention, it will begin to build until I can't stop it.<br />
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Yesterday was one of those days. Thankfully, I kept it together until I got to my car. The details really aren't important because after writing it all down, it just seemed silly on my part for getting so worked up, but long story short, I didn't get a special price on some things at the grocery store, the cashier wasn't being helpful and I was getting worked up over $3. Yes, you read that correctly....$3(but in hindsight, it was a 10% savings on the total bill.....just sayin'). When all was said and done, I got my $3 from the customer service desk and learned something new. Something that someone with any customer service bone in their body would have been able to explain to me politely in the first place. (okay, maybe I'm not quite over it like I thought, LOL)<br />
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I had three attitude options:<br />
1) Get upset at the cashier<br />
2) Get upset at myself<br />
3) Be happy I got my $3, learned something new, and got on with my life<br />
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So, what did I choose? If you guessed #1 you would be correct. Of course, just as bad would have been to beat myself up for not knowing something in the first place. Neither one of those are the right attitude to have, but usually they are the easiest ones to go to, at least for me.....especially #2. And usually, though I may choose #1 or 2, I can talk myself back down to a #3 sooner rather than later. It is a rare incident when I can't.<br />
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But, there I was driving home working myself up even more, lamenting the fact that someone wasn't very nice or helpful. It wasn't until I got about halfway home, sitting at a 4-way stop sign by myself, and had let out a blood curdling scream of rage that I realized I had lost it. Truly lost it. It scared me. I have only ever really lost it that bad one other time and I almost broke my hand hitting a wall. That was almost 30 years ago and I vowed I would never let it get that bad again. I don't like feeling that way and really there is NO EXCUSE for such behavior. Sure a scream every now and then can be a release, but this wasn't that kind of scream, it was a sound I didn't recognize and that was why it scared me. I realized that if I wasn't careful I was at a tipping point, and not a good one. I stopped my attitude from continuing in the direction it was going, said a quick prayer or two or twenty. I changed the conversation I had been having with myself. I went from a position of pride and indignation, to one of humility and repentance. Slowly, I began to calm down and regain my composure, but it wasn't until I had gotten home, explained to the husband why I had been crying, and had some time pass until I was truly at peace again.<br />
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I started this entry last night after getting home from the store and having dinner. It actually started out a lot different, complete with photographic evidence. It originally went into painful detail of the experience, but as I continued to write, read what I wrote, write some more, reread, and so on, it morphed into something else. Sure I could have spent this whole post complaining and whining, but what purpose would it serve, how does that help the greater good? I don't need anyone to tell me I was right or wrong, or that the cashier was either. And in the long run, it wouldn't make me feel any better, I dare say it would probably make me feel worse.<br />
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So, all that to say what? I'm really not sure, but I know I needed to write this for a reason. I can do better, be better. WE can do better, WE can be better. And we must.<br />
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Life isn't always going to be easy and is often filled with opportunities that we miss, just because we aren't paying attention. So, I don't know about you, but I'm going to try to have my eyes open a little bit wider, pay a little better attention, try to be a better person, and to do a better job. I want to be an encouragement for others and when I'm back at the store again and that cashier's line is the one available I won't avoid it, but go through it with a smile on my face.<br />
<br />VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-54925115881443233622020-01-25T21:38:00.001-07:002020-01-25T21:38:25.290-07:00A New Chapter, Pt 3The previous two posts were about the passing of my in-laws, who we had been taking care of for the last 2 1/2 years, which brings me to the real purpose of this blog writing.<br />
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What Next??<br />
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It's been a little over 8 months since my father-in-law passed and just over a week for my mother-in-law's passing. We've slowly been going through all the stuff that needs to get gone through, sorting out that which is a keeper, a toss, or a donation. Even with what little they brought, or so we thought, there is still a lot to go through. We still have two memorials to plan for my mother-n-law. One here in Arizona, and another in Colorado.<br />
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But I digress, that's not the reason for this post.<br />
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You see, my husband and I celebrated our 24th anniversary back in November, so we are well on our way to the 25th. I came into this marriage with a 3 year old son from a previous marriage, we dated when my son was 2. So since the first day of our relationship we've always had to think about someone else whenever we wanted to do anything. There has never been a time when we could just leave on a whim, or stay out all day(and night) without having some sort of plan or arrangement.<br />
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This realization hit me the other day when we were out running some errands together. I realized we didn't need to check in or check on anybody, we could do whatever we wanted.....within reason, I do still have a job. LOL And I said as much to my husband and I even said as much on Facebook. Of course the friends with grown kids compared it "empty nest", but I really don't think that is the same. Sure it is to some degree, but it goes even deeper than that. <br />
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As kids grow up they become more independent(usually) and begin to spend less time at home and more time away, so there is to some degree a weaning period, a gradualness to it. With this, there was no gradual. One day it was like being chained up with no freedom and then suddenly the chain was gone, not broken.....but gone.<br />
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It's an odd feeling and one I'm still getting used to. It's also one I am going to try and enjoy while I can because we are never promised tomorrow and we don't know what tomorrow will bring. I should also say at this point that our youngest(now 21) does still live at home and has impeccable timing. You see, just as I got done telling my husband about my realization, we both got a text from him.....asking where we were and if it involved dinner! Kids!!! They always know how to keep us grounded.<br />
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So, here's to a new chapter. I'm excited to see what there is in store for me, my husband, and our family.VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-77738685291265609232020-01-25T21:14:00.000-07:002020-01-25T21:14:15.404-07:00A New Chapter, Pt 2In the previous post I talked about the passing of my father-in-law. We always knew he was going to pass, and probably not long after coming to live with us in 2017. BUT.....and it's a big one, we always thought, and most everyone that knew our family thought, that my mother-in-law would be the one to pass first. She had already technically died 2 or 3 times back in Colorado, and on the last one even argued with paramedics about it because she hadn't seen a bright light, therefore there was no way she could have died, even though by all medical terms she had.<br />
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I've written other posts about the trials and tribulations of taking care of my mother-in-law, so I won't rehash those, but feel free to go back and read them if you need a refresher, never read them before, or just because you want to.<br />
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After the passing of her husband, she grew weary of the daily battles that she had....with memory, day to day tasks, everything.....and she began sleeping more. And after several months she decided she had had enough and she wanted to go home...to Heaven. She even got out of bed on her own in the middle of the night, put on her socks and shoes, and decided she was going to leave, just keep walking until Jesus took her home. The only problem....she couldn't figure out how to open the garage door. We wouldn't have know any of this except for the fact that her shoes were by her bed in the morning when we went down to get her "ready" for the day and she had her "good" socks on. It was then my husband and I knew something had to change. We spoke with her doctor and called Hospice. Much to my surprise, Hospice deemed her a candidate. I had always thought that you had to have a doctor say you had 6 mos or less to live, but because of her health issues and her attempted "escape" they saw no problem.<br />
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My husband had had a feeling she would "be home" by Christmas and I'll admit there were a couple of times I thought for sure that he was right, two specific times in fact......but the next day she would be alert and it was like nothing had changed. Christmas, came and went and my mother-in-law seemed better than before and we were resigned to fact that she was in fact going to live forever.<br />
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Once again, my husband and I had a trip planned. This time to Cancun. He had retired at the end of 2019 so he could be a Pastor full-time and his company had asked him to come to their annual company meeting so they could send him off. They even said I could come. It was truly a blessing for us and a much needed vacation. We hadn't gone on a vacation together since 2010. Nothing was going to get in the way of this.<br />
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We made arrangements for respite care with Hospice for the time we were gone. They would allow 5 days, we were only going to be gone 4, so it worked out perfectly. They would pick her up the Sunday before we left and bring her back on Friday, a day after we got back. It worked out perfectly. <br />
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That Friday before we all left for our prospective destinations, I had a feeling that she was going to pass while we were gone, I just knew she would, but I also knew that we still needed to go. My husband, being the pragmatic that he is, had already been getting things in place just in case, so that there was no reason to come home early. Sunday came, and my mother-in-law was picked up. We went and saw her after she got settled in, and I can look back now and see she truly seemed to be at peace. Before she left for respite care she kept asking when she was going, when they were going to pick her up, how long she was going to be there.....over and over. I thought it was because she was scared, or hurt, or angry. Looking back I can see the deeper meaning in those questions.<br />
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We left early Monday morning, looking forward to a couple of days of uninterrupted relaxation. Once we landed in Cancun, had found our transportation, and were on our way to the hotel the texts started to come in. The Hospice nurse had sent a message just before we landed that it appeared my mother-in-law was starting the transition. It was a long 25 minute drive to the hotel while we made phone calls and sent text messages to let immediate family know. My mother also visited her that same day and said the same thing. We let our sons know, one of which was in Cancun with us as he works for my husbands old company. Our youngest was able to visit her, tell her he loved her, and say goodbye.<br />
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Just before noon(Arizona time) on Tuesday, January 14th, Bonnie Warembourg breathed her last and peacefully passed into the arms of her Savior, something she had been wanting for awhile. We were told by the Hospice nurse that it was the most peaceful passing they had ever had.<br />
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We finished our vacation. We had put things in place for just such an occurrence, and there was really nothing more we could do, that couldn't wait a day or two. The Lord knew we needed that vacation, and looking back so did she. As a good friend pointed out to us, we think the reason she didn't pass before Christmas.....she didn't want to do it in our house. So, for all the 20 questions about when she was going and for how long, I can look back and she was just getting herself prepared.<br />
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So, now what.......... (cont)<br />
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<br />VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-58823637735023306122020-01-25T19:11:00.001-07:002020-01-25T19:11:34.647-07:00A New Chapter Pt 1For the past 2 1/2 years my husband and I have been the full-time caregivers for his parents, with some help from our youngest son, especially in the first year. May 16th of 2019 my husband's father passed, leaving us only his mother to take care of. That in of itself would seem like a lightened load, but in reality, the burden didn't change. My husband's father pretty much took care of himself, only needing help getting to an occasional doctor appointment since the discovery of prostate cancer in December of 2018. <br />
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He had his first seizure sometime around March of 2019,which was something I had never witnessed before. I still remember that night, as my husband was gone for a meeting. I never wanted to go through something like again, I wouldn't get my wish. My father-in-law recovered quickly and was back home in a couple of days, with no diagnosis as to what caused it and life went back to normal, albeit maybe a little slower for my husband's father. He had always been a resilient man, a tough cookie. Until recently, never sick a day in his life and except for the new pills for the prostate, on no medication. Which for an 86 year old man is pretty unheard of!!<br />
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My father-in-law had his second seizure on the afternoon of Wednesday, May 15th. Thankfully we were all home, but it wouldn't have mattered. My husband followed him to the hospital while I stayed home with my mother-in-law and our son. This time he wasn't waking up, so I loaded up the group and we headed to the hospital to say our goodbyes. I still choke up just thinking about it. He was a great man with a big heart and we miss him still, but have only happy thoughts and memories.(That was until I sat down to write this and relived that day again.)<br />
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My husband and I were supposed to go on a group trip to Israel. We would have left May 14th and not been back for over 10 days. After the first seizure I didn't have peace about going on that trip. We would have put my husband's mom in some place of care as she had special needs that our son wouldn't be able to handle by himself, but had planned nothing for his father because again, he was pretty much taking care of himself. I told my husband that we needed to cancel our trip and forfeit our deposit......$300/ea. He wasn't so sure, but after some discussion he trusted my instinct and the trip was off. Which turned out to be divine intervention.<br />
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If it weren't for God's intervention(and I do believe He spoke to me back in March about this), we would have just landed in Israel when that seizure hit and would have been on a plane when he passed. Our son, who was 20 at that time, would have been alone when it all happened and while he would have dialed 911 just like we did, he would have been lost after that. Sure there are people(my mother, our son and daughter-in-law) that he could have called, but none of them would have been able to help him right then. And that is not something I wanted to happen and whether my husband wanted to admit it or not(but he did, LOL) he didn't want to be that far away if something did happen to his father and neither did I.<br />
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So on the morning of Thursday, May 16th Carl Warembourg, at the age of 87, passed peacefully in his sleep and went home to be with Jesus.<br />
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And then there was 1.............(cont.)VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-27223377124462129462019-01-13T20:59:00.003-07:002019-01-13T20:59:56.601-07:00Try not to lose yourselfFirst some backstory, to get some of you caught up:<div>
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1) My in-laws moved in with us in July/August of 2017.</div>
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2) My Mother-in-law is diabetic and hasn't taken good care of herself, which is one of the reasons they moved in with us. My husband helps alot, but I am the main caretaker for my mother-in- law, and she is not an easy woman to get along with.</div>
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3) We have a tri-level house. Mother-in-law has the whole lower level to herself since she can't do stairs. </div>
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4) Our youngest son still lives with us. I love him dearly, but he tries my patience to no end. He's 20, yet seems more like a teenager in many ways. He does help with the grandparents and around the house, although not as much as he thinks he does. To him we can do nothing right in either situation. Again, I LOVE him dearly, he just needs to grow up some more.... but then, don't all our kids?</div>
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5) My husband is a Pastor, while also holding down another job which he is retiring from this year.</div>
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6) I don't like confrontation because when I get angry I cry. Most of the time I am a fairly upbeat, positive person that tries to make others feel better when I can.</div>
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I think that should be enough details to get everyone caught up. </div>
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My Mother-in-law is not an easy woman to live with. Most people when they first meet her tell us what a lovely woman she is. Which when you first meet her is true. Taking care of her is a whole different story. I will spare most details. Due to her physical condition, and to some extent her mental condition, from years on mismanaging the Diabetes, she doesn't move very fast. It does no good being in a hurry. To give an idea, a typical bathroom run can take anywhere from 30 minutes on a good day to up to an hour or more. We have to do that a minimum of 3 times a day, but usually 4.</div>
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She also has a martyrs complex, nothing is her fault and she can do nothing right. Because she has memory problems we have to remind her of things every now and then. On days when she does remember, she gets defensive and tells us she's not stupid or how she can't do anything right and she is always wrong. Now I realize it is a memory thing, but that doesn't make it any easier when venom is being spewed from your parents mouth directed at you. You know not to take it personally or argue, but most days you can't help yourself. </div>
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Because of the Diabetes she is also always cold....ALWAYS! We bought a space heater for the room down there and keep all the doors closed to keep as much heat in there as possible. Most days it is 85 in that area, which is usually about a 10 degree difference from the rest of the house. And when tensions are already high, the heat just doesn't help.</div>
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All that to say that there is just a completely different atmosphere down there then in the rest of the house, completely different! It's depressing. It's angry. It's helpless. It's hopeless. It takes a toll on even the happiest person (me) after awhile.</div>
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The rest of the house used to be an escape, but lately that was starting to change. Our youngest has been growing weary of the dichotomy in the lower level and the fact that my father-in-law has a tendency to repeat himself..... alot! LOL Again, I won't go into details other than to say this was not his burden to carry, but for some reason he feels that he has to, no matter what we try. </div>
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Our youngest son went to Minnesota for 2 weeks to visit some friends. I'm pretty sure it was a trial run for a future move, which at first terrified me, but after having time to get used to the idea, thought it would probably do him good. He got back on Friday night.....late. You know how kids come back after the grandparents watch them for awhile and you have to basically start from scratch in raising them again? Well, it felt like that. I hadn't realized in the 2 weeks he was gone how much less drama there had been in the rest of the house, until he returned. I would have thought the time away would at least refresh him and help him to start steps toward living his life. At least to be refreshed and come back with some sort of better attitude, but it seems he is still in the same space he was in when he left. He had a great time when he was gone and I'm glad he did and he wants to go back in the Spring or Summer when there is some green color. I just don't know if he's realized he'll need a job if wants to be able to do that. In fact he'll need a job period. I guess time will tell to see if things have changed, but for the first 2 days of him being back, it sure doesn't seem like it. *sigh*</div>
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My husband left for Cancun for a work trip early Saturday morning....in fact it was about 6 hrs after picking up our son from the airport. He drove himself because he knew that Saturday is my one day to sleep in, if even for only a little bit. If I had to I would have driven him, but I'm glad I got to sleep in. So I am on my own until Wednesday night when he gets back.</div>
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Which brings us to the reason for this post. Today, I had my first ever panic attack and no I'm not exaggerating. It was the scariest feeling in my life. The attack itself didn't last long, but the after-effects are still going on even 12 hrs later. The lower level seemed warmer than usual and I'm not sure I ever got a chance to cool off enough before having to go back down there so we could all get loaded up in the car for church. Combine that with the stress of having to get everybody ready to leave for church on time along with the fact that I sing on the worship team which means we all have to be there early, topped with not communicating my needs to my son so he could be a better help. Instead I just expected it.....wrong on my part, but at the time I wasn't thinking clearly and I was frustrated and fighting back tears.</div>
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Suddenly, without warning I couldn't breathe, I couldn't catch my breath. I had to stop and concentrate until I could breathe again. It was probably only a few seconds, but it seemed like an eternity when it was happening. Seeing as my mother-in-law is not a fast mover, I was able to breathe before she finished getting out the door. But the feelings left behind have not been that easy to shrug off. In fact I spent most of the morning in tears and shaking. Needless to say I couldn't sing, but everyone was very understanding. I couldn't even speak for the first hour and when I did for the first time it was strained and choppy, like when a toddler tries to speak while sobbing.</div>
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Even typing this makes me cry. I left for a couple of hours after coming home from church, to try and get back into control, into some good head space or something. I thought I did, until I turned onto my street and started sobbing again. So I decided to put it all down in black and white, like a cleansing of the soul. I don't know if it will work, but that, along with a lot of talking with God, and I know that this too shall pass.</div>
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So, for now, I take a deep breath, say a little prayer, and get ready to head back downstairs for the last bathroom break of the evening. Knowing that in just a few more hours, this day will be over and that tomorrow is a new day to try again and to do a better job of letting things "slide off my back". Another day to try and let love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control reign supreme. Another day to let go and let God.</div>
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Before I end this I would like to add that I'm not looking for advice or words of wisdom, just a kind ear and a prayer or two or three or....... Also, please don't tell me about the jewels in my crown that I am earning. That doesn't help. It's like telling a person with depression to cheer up. I'm just looking to survive and not lose myself in the process. </div>
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VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-24242104172828027772018-07-18T17:24:00.000-07:002018-07-18T17:25:51.850-07:00There's always a silver liningSo, the past week has been very trying and that is putting it mildly!<br />
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It all started a week ago. Lately, our dishwasher hadn't been cleaning the dishes very well, and we always had to make sure they were CLEAN(as in spotless) when we put them in. We attributed it to the hard water out here in Arizona. But the last week or so it didn't seem that things were getting dry, so the ever handy hubby decided to look inside at the heating element at which point he noticed the dishwasher was also filled with water.<br />
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*Sidenote* My son, who usually does the dishes had apparently been telling us about the water for a number of days, but I'll be darned if I remember that....But, I believe he did as he has been stating what a bad job the dishwasher had been doing....which as stated above, we thought was due to hard water.....ANYWAY.......<br />
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So the hubs and son baled the water out of the dishwasher and pulled the unit out so he could see what was going on and to find out about the heating element. Only when he pulled the machine away from the wall what did we find? Mold, it had also apparently been leaking due to the water not pumping out. He ordered some parts, including a new pump, hoping this would solve the problem but not sure it would.<br />
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No sooner did he get the dishwasher fixed(thank you Amazon Prime and 2 day shipping) we ran into another snag. I went out to put chlorine in the pool duck and decided to check the skimmer baskets to get rid of any debris that had been picked up due the Monsoons we have been having. Got all that taken care of when I noticed the pool vac wasn't moving so I decided to check the hoses and accidentally broke it in the process, no big deal we have spares. Called the hubby and he brought a spare out, only to find that the pool vac still wasn't moving. Long story, short(or is it too late for that??) after about an hour in the hot sun of monkeying around it was determined that the pool pump and filter had bit the dust. Now, that wasn't too big of a surprise as we had been band-aiding it for the past 5 years, just not very good timing and it was going to cost some money to get that situation fixed. It is also a situation we can't wait to take care of, it has to be addressed fairly quickly.<br />
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We go inside to cool off as we are both overheated only to get a text from our oldest who rents a house from us state that their pool pump/filter kept tripping the breaker whenever it turned on. They had just left for a week's long vacation and noticed it that night before they left. So, off hubby goes over to that house to see what is going on with their pool and he figures out what is causing the breaker to trip and takes care of that, but they had also been having other problems with the pool and it was not something the hubby could figure out on his own and he was concerned it would need new filters and possibly a pump as well!!!!<br />
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So before the weekend is over, we are thinking we are going to have to replace a dishwasher and two pool pumps. CHA-CHING!!! Thankfully, my husband is not too proud to ask for help so he touched base with a friend whose job it is to maintain, and apparently, fix pools. So, while it may cost some money, at least someone else will be doing the work and that is two less things we have to worry about finding time to do.<br />
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Cue Monday........<br />
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By this time, we figured we had gotten everything under control. The dishwasher parts had come in and been installed. The dishwasher was up and running again, without having to buy a replacement. The pools, while not yet fixed, were in process...we could at least breathe again.<br />
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Then, Monday night came along. I came in from taking the dog out and hear water running.....loudly. I follow the noise to find our laundry room flooded and not just a little bit. I find the leak under the sink, but can't turn the water off. So I'm screaming bloody murder trying to get my husband's attention, but he is too far away to hear me. So I have to leave Niagara Falls in my laundry room to find him and yell for him. He finally gets the water shut off and it turns out that a valve popped off our reverse osmosis system. Now comes the fun part of trying to move everything out of the room, which if your laundry room is like ours, it's the catchall for everything. It's also where our pantry is. I think we went through every single towel we owned cleaning up the water.<br />
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But the best part, or I guess I should say the worst part, was we were trying to push the water to the floor drain under the washing machine....which normally would work wonderfully. But this week hasn't been normal has it?!?! As the hubby is clearing things from around the washer he notices that there is water under the washing machine......it wasn't going down the drain like it was supposed to. So, now we are moving the washer and dryer to get to the drain. After an unsuccessful 45 minutes of trying to get the clog to move, we resort to a hose with a nozzle attached to see if we can flush the clog out with pressure. But instead of doing that it blows the water out the overflow pipe that is under our air conditioning unit that is housed in the laundry room. Again, thankful for my handy hubby, he just happens to have some pvc pipe out in the garage and he rigs something together so that the water that comes off the AC unit drains into a bowl we put down until he has time to actually fix it and find the clog. Because you see by this time it is almost 10pm( and I still have to help my mother-in-law get ready for bed, which this evening was it's own separate mess to clean up).<br />
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So, we finally hit the hay at almost midnight done with what we could for the night, exhausted and not looking forward to getting up in a few hours to get ready for work, hoping that the patch job would hold and that the bowl catching the AC water wouldn't overflow during the night.<br />
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Tuesday morning comes and goes, everything seems to have calmed down. As long as we remember to dump the bowl of water from the patch job every 4-6 hours it will be fine until the weekend when he has the time to actually fix it properly. Life seems to be calming down once again, or as calm as it can be given the circumstances. That is until I go to get ice cream out of the freezer for dessert and notice icicles on the inside of the door and that the water dispenser has been dripping water and there is a size-able puddle in front of the fridge. At this point it is all I can do to keep from crying and curling up into a ball on the kitchen floor.<br />
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I reluctantly go downstairs to my hubby who is now days behind in what he needs to be getting done, to ask him if it's supposed to be doing that. That was not the question he wanted and not the answer I wanted to hear. You see that reverse osmosis water system filtered the water for the fridge. He had apparently turned off the water housing tank, and we....okay, I, had forgotten to turn off the ice maker so that it wouldn't run any more water through the system while we were waiting for the parts to repair the osmosis system. <br />
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I don't know if you realize, I know I didn't, that you have to keep a constant water pressure going to the ice maker/water dispenser otherwise you get.....you guessed it.....a leak. So here it is 8pm and we are taking everything out of the freezer to clean up all the frozen water inside, the whole time my husband is worried that the water line has been damaged and soon water will be pouring out the back of the fridge. We get everything cleaned up and food put back in the freezer, get the water line attached back to a water supply and hope for the best, hope that the ice maker will work which hubby says it looks like it is. <br />
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Once again, it's time to get the mother-in-law ready for bed so that is what we set out to do, thankfully no surprises there, so we head up to bed ourselves. Thankfully, the hubby decided to check the freezer one more time to make sure the ice maker was in fact working......it wasn't! UGH!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! At this point I was holding back my tears and screams.<br />
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Thankfully, again, I have a handy hubby. He went and got some tool and took the ice maker housing out and ran it under hot water to melt any ice that had formed from all the leaking water. He got that cleaned out and put it back in. We have now done all that we can do without pulling the fridge all the way out to check the lines running behind it and we really don't want to do that. I say a small prayer before going to bed hoping to see ice cubes in the morning.<br />
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So, what do you suppose we woke up to? Well, given all that has happened you would be lead to believe that we would have water all over the kitchen floor when we woke up and you would be.......<br />
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WRONG!! WE HAVE ICE CUBES!!!!!<br />
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It's still early, the day is young, but I do believe the storm of troubles has finally passed and with hindsight being 20/20 I can actually see the good in all that happened. You read that right....good.<br />
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1) If the heating element hadn't gone out, we probably wouldn't have noticed that that drain pump wasn't working for quite awhile and the flooding could have been a lot worse!<br />
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2) If I hadn't gone to put chlorine in the pool and clean the baskets, we probably wouldn't have noticed the pool wasn't working for who knows how long, causing even more damage.<br />
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3) Our sons pool, if he hadn't checked his pool before leaving he never would have known that it was tripping the breaker and then they would have come back to an even bigger mess and expense.<br />
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4) If the valve hadn't broken on the osmosis system, we never would have known that the AC drain pipe was clogged for probably weeks, causing even more mold, possibly even black mold.<br />
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5) If I hadn't gone for ice cream we would have never known that the fridge was leaking until it was great big mess the next morning when we wouldn't have had time to do anything.<br />
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So you see even in the midst of all the troubles, there is always good to be found....you just have to look for it.<br />
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Sidenote conclusion: A friend of mine texted me on Monday night after all the stuff that my hubby and I had been through to say that one of her kids was back in the hospital right after starting school and supposed to be starting a new job that now she doesn't know if she will still have. So, for us, all these momentary problems don't look quite so bad anymore...........<br />
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<br />VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-53058302641720661992018-06-15T16:22:00.002-07:002018-06-15T16:22:51.301-07:00Writer's blockSo often I sit down to begin writing something with an idea in mind. I get two sentences down and that is all there is, the wall goes up and the backspace key gets a workout. The flashing icon mocking me as I stare at the screen.<br />
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Even now, I've started 3 or 4 different tales only to get 2-3 sentences in and then drawing a blank.<br />
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Blast you writer's block! You won't even let me write about you!<br />
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<br />VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-37754073393369382932018-05-13T19:58:00.003-07:002018-05-13T19:58:41.170-07:00Writing your own HallelujahThis morning in church my husband said something that punched me in the gut, a truth so deep it took my breath away, stripping me of any composure I had. What he said was:<br />
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"When you are in the midst of God's grace, sometimes you have to write your own Hallelujah"<br />
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Seems like an odd statement doesn't it? And if I wasn't in the place I was at right now, I probably wouldn't have understood it. It was a revelation for me....an "AHA!" moment and I lost it. If I hadn't been at the front of the church(I'm on the worship team at church and this was just as we had finished singing the last song..... <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vKTYJYZYvI" target="_blank">Hallelujah</a>) I would have been a heap on the floor in the back. As it was I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.<br />
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The meaning of Hallelujah is literally God be praised. In the struggles of life we often forget to look for that Hallelujah, and there is always one to be found. If nothing else, it is His Grace alone that deserves one. For it is by His grace alone that we have been saved.<br />
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You see, I've been struggling lately. I'm normally a very happy person, almost always with a smile on my face. But lately, the smile doesn't come quite so naturally. Things that used to bring me joy, now seem to leave me empty. God has given me a grace to care for our aging parents. I know He has. But it's not easy and at times I resent it. I want my life back. And I forgot. I forgot to look for the Hallelujah.<br />
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So, starting today I'm going to try harder to walk in that grace and if I have to.....I will write my own Hallelujah.<br />
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Sidenote:<br />
When I started writing in my blog again my hope was that it would be helpful to others, yet still lighthearted and fun. Yet, every time I sit down to start writing an entry, most with the intention of being fun and lighthearted, they get shut down....pushed to the side and I struggle to find the words that seemed all to clear to me before I opened my laptop to write. Instead out comes words from a completely different direction. So, it is what it is and I will just go where the keyboard takes me.<br />
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<br />VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-77469490665826754572018-05-05T14:51:00.002-07:002018-05-05T14:51:53.475-07:00The importance of FlexibilityDictionary.com defines flexibility as:<br />
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1) capable of being bent, without breaking; easily bent. ie a flexible ruler<br />
2) susceptible of modification of adaption. ie a flexible schedule<br />
3) willing or disposed to yield; pliable : ie a a flexible personality<br />
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Back when I lived in Colorado our pastor always used that word when talking about going on a mission trip to a foreign country. Our mission trips always had us staying in people's homes, which meant some meals would be home-cooked meals. Our hosts were always generous and always went out of their way to provide for us. But every once in awhile you might get something that you weren't expecting like flavored lard or blood sausage. Our mission trips always had a tentative schedule, but through past experiences knew that it was always subject to change. So our pastor always made sure that "flexible" was a staple word used and understood and because of that our trips were always an adventure filled with lots of fun and wonderful experiences that we wouldn't have had if weren't flexible.<br />
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Flexibility is also a wonderful word for a caregiver to have and to know and all three of those definitions can be applied to caregiving. Because if you aren't flexible as a caregiver, life is only that much harder and you'll only make yourself miserable. It's not easy, especially when you are thrown into that position due to circumstances and not as a career choice.<br />
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But as a caregiver I've learned that it's also important to be flexible as the person that is being taken care of. If you, as the caregivee( I think I made up a new word ), the person being taken care of, can learn to be flexible life just might be a little bit more enjoyable. You have to realize that it's not only your life that has been turned upside down. Now, when you are dealing with someone suffering from Dementia or Alzheimers, this is a much more difficult choice to make. Which is why you have to learn to be flexible early on, so that when memories fade, your personality won't.<br />
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So I glean what I can from these experiences, learning to be more flexible. Life is one big mission trip and I want to enjoy all that it has for me, including the flavored lard and blood sausage that may come my way. VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-3487116530641550572018-05-01T20:48:00.001-07:002018-05-01T20:48:53.239-07:00Apparently, I'm a little stressed.When you are a full-time caregiver for a family member it's important to remember to take care of yourself....mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. If you don't, you may find yourself in a worse position then the one the person you are caring for is in. You have to learn to accept the help when it is offered and not worry about what someone might think. You should NEVER have to do it alone and shouldn't. <br />
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Which brings me to today's post. I went to the doctor today because I've had sore jaw for almost two weeks. I've never had it hurt for this long before, maybe a day or two but that is it. This time it has been lingering, almost excruciating at times, shooting pain in to my ear. I thought for sure I had some sort of ear infection. I finally got tired of fighting it, so I made the appointment..........no infection. After a brief exam and some questions, the doctor recommended I see a dentist. So I popped over to my dentist to see when I could get an appointment, only they got me right in instead.(Score!!) She was polite, asked me questions, and listened to what was going on and informed me I have TMJ....which is the fancy letters to mean pain in the jaw. LOL<br />
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The part I'm leaving out is the question both the doctor and dentist asked me......Are you under a lot of stress? Who me??? Why, I have no idea whatever they could mean. Having your in-laws move in with you?? Stressful. Being the primary caregiver for your mother-in-law?? Stressful. Working while taking care of your mother-in-law?? Stressful. So, yeah I guess you could say I might be under some stress. Enough stress apparently, I must be clenching and/or grinding my teeth in my sleep.<br />
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Sidenote: The doctor did get a little more prodding in her questions because not only did my jaw hurt, but apparently my blood pressure was a little elevated......okay, more than a little. I didn't think about it at first, but one of her questions was if I ever experienced chest pains. YIKES!! Now, disclaimer....the high blood pressure is not strictly from the caregiving, I could definitely eat better and lose some weight, but it is a factor that doesn't help.<br />
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This is why I say it's important to take care of yourself, to take some time FOR yourself. I am fortunate that I have a great support system at home. My husband and youngest son (19) are a big help, so I'm not truly alone in this journey. BUT, I do still have to make sure I pay attention and take the time away when I need it and that is something that is still a work in progress, a lot of work apparently.<br />
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As the caregiver, you think you are the only one that can do the job and do it correctly and that is a mindset I, myself, need to change. It's like the wife that rearranges the dishwasher after the kids or husband load it. It's okay if things aren't done the way you do them. Sure there are certain things that need to be done in caregiving, but that doesn't mean your way is the only way to do them. All that does is add more stress to an already stressful situation, and it's an unnecessary stress to add.<br />
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So, I'm going to take the muscle relaxer the dentist prescribed and get better at taking care of myself and taking time for myself....because I deserve it.<br />
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<br />VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-21712278906188294772018-04-26T21:40:00.001-07:002018-04-26T21:40:15.113-07:00The dangers of commercialsMy mother-in-law is a hoarder. Not quite worthy of an episode on the tv show, but I think that is only because of her husband. Left to her own devices....well.....<br />
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So it's been quite the change of environment for her when she moved in with us. She did really good leaving a lot of stuff behind, but she did still have the urge. We would go out to eat and she would grab any extra napkins she could. If it was a fast food restaurant it would also include any plasticware she used. We would find spoons and napkins in the travel diabetes bag we used and used straws on her stand next to her. Upon finding them, we never said anything, we just quietly tossed them out and she really was none the wiser. We knew not to question the action, it only ended in an argument. <br />
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Fast forward the eight months since the in-laws moved in with us. When they moved in we got them each a DVR so they could record and watch all the shows they like to watch. They had DISH back in Colorado so they were also spoiled being able to fast forward through the commercials and my mother-in-law talked incessantly about how she hated commercials for the past 6 of the last 8 months. Then she had a mini stroke and was in the hospital for a week, followed by skilled nursing for another 3 weeks. Well, they didn't have DVR's or the ability to fast forward through commercials so she got out of the habit of doing it, plus after the stroke her memory had gotten a little worse.<br />
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So, now she has a tendency to forget to fast forward the commercials and ends up watching them. The only problem is that it tends to "wake up" that hoarding complex and the need to buy things. Most of the things are not something she would EVER use or need.....but that isn't the point with a hoarder......they just want things.<br />
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Some of the things she wants: <br />
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1) New insurance. She has STELLAR insurance and with the diabetes needs it. Most of her prescriptions cost pennies. I think between all doctor visits, hospital stays, etc. they've had to pay hardly anything. But the ad for Medicare insurance programs convinced her she needed new insurance and asked for 2 weeks straight about it before moving on.<br />
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2) Microwave egg cooker. She thought the Egglettes cooker looked like a great idea and she wanted one. The problem here.....she doesn't eat eggs. She hates eggs. We pointed that out to her, which she replied, " I know, but it would work for eggs in potato salad". To which we shook our heads and silently giggled, because.....she doesn't cook anymore and hasn't for YEARS!! I think the last time she actually cooked anything was Thanksgiving 1998 or somewhere around there. Her cooking mostly consisted of heating up a microwave dinner.<br />
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3) Plexaderm. This is apparently a cream for the bags under your eyes and wrinkles on your face. She's suddenly decided she wanted to get rid of the bags and wrinkles. Which she really doesn't have many wrinkles, and the bags are because she doesn't sleep. Plus....she's 80 and sits in a chair(now a bed) all day. What on earth would she need Plexaderm for??? But it's free to try she says and we should go to the website to find out about it. Thank goodness she doesn't have access to the internet.<br />
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4) Better Clean Silicone Sponge. This one is the kicker. She told me she would love to get this, and thought anyone that owned a home would love one. What made this the best one, especially for my husband, is that fact that I'm not sure she's cleaned a dish in her life. Remember those microwave dinners?? Yeah, no dishes there. Somehow this is something she needs to have though.<br />
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Thank goodness she hasn't found HSN or QVC. There is a reason we don't keep the phone or her wallet by her bed.<br />
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<br />VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-9198341851204511702018-04-23T19:46:00.000-07:002018-04-23T19:46:36.750-07:00Go with the flowOne of the things I've learned being a caregiver, is to be flexible. Not flexible as a caregiver, but flexible as a person. To learn to go with the flow and not be so set in my ways I end up being miserable and causing the people around me to be miserable. Life is too short for that.<br />
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I love my mother-in-law, but things have to be a certain way and there is no such thing as wanting to try anything new. Oh, and it seems she hates everything.....except ice cream.....strawberry ice cream, not chocolate, not vanilla, but strawberry.<br />
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Making meals for her is a challenge because there isn't much that she will eat and the things she does eat she gets tired of and says she never wants to have again. It's a balancing act trying to spread out what she will eat so that it doesn't come off the menu. Of course, if we go long enough we can sometimes "reintroduce" the things she has sworn off. I don't think I've ever seen her make a happy face when giving her options to choose from, it's usually a turned up nose. The only time she gets excited is if I mention ice cream.<br />
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Even when we go out to eat, it's the same thing. She turns up her nose at whatever they have and usually wants a combination of something that isn't even offered. We had to stop letting her pick her food. She would say she wanted something and then when she got exactly what she said she wanted, she picks at it, making faces as she eats. Oh, and don't argue that it was exactly what she ordered, she'll deny it all the way to the grave.<br />
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Somedays, I don't think she knows how to be happy. She definitely doesn't know how to go with the flow and that is not a person I want to be. I want to enjoy life and all the experiences it wants to throw at me, even the caregiving.VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-44634835123731210482018-04-20T17:18:00.002-07:002018-04-20T18:19:39.795-07:00What did I get myself into?When I "signed on" to be my mother-in-law's caregiver I didn't fully realize what that would entail. I knew my father-in-law did things for her, but I figured it was mostly just getting her food and making sure her blood sugar levels were all right. It's been a lot more than that.<br />
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You see my mother-in-law has spent the majority of her 80 years in a recliner. 20+ years ago when I met her, she was mobile, but ate and slept in a recliner. I didn't think much of it, the sleeping seemed a little weird, but to each their own. She was walking and taking care of herself. About 10 years ago she broke her leg. She is not a tiny woman, so getting around became almost impossible. Because of her diabetes and how she managed it (not well), my father-in-law didn't want her to get out of the chair very often because if she had a low blood sugar she would fall.<br />
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You know the fairytale: Jack sprat could eat no fat and his wife could eat no lean......well that is them. Now my father-in-law was a strong man in his day, but he is definitely lean. At 75-80 it was beginning to take a toll on him, probably long before that. He couldn't lift her and would have to call for help, whether it be from a friend or 911. So the chair became her way of life. Eventually, she moved to a lift recliner, because it made it easier for her to get out of it, especially on days when she wasn't feeling very strong.<br />
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Fast forward to now. We knew she basically didn't leave the house anymore except for doctor's appointments. When my husband went back to help get them ready to move out here he got to see first hand how bad things had truly gotten. He tried to give me a heads up, but until you are actually in the middle of it, you really have no idea what to expect. It's like having a baby to take care of again, a very large baby. The only difference......in most cases, you have time to prepare and are looking forward to your new bundle of joy. It's usually something you have planned for.<br />
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While we knew that at some point we would be taking care of them, it still came about rather suddenly. Thankfully, we had put in a handicap bathroom in the area where my mother-in-law would be staying because we knew we would need it. But it seemed like overnight it happened. One day I was looking forward to spending time with my husband as the kids were grown, and the next I was thrust back into the role as caregiver to a baby. Back to wiping butts and giving baths. Suddenly I was at another person's beck and call, want and need.<br />
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Taking care of your parents is not an easy task by any means. It is a big commitment and responsibility and one not to take on flippantly, but, it is the right thing to do. And as much as my mother-in-law drives me crazy, I still choose this over putting her in a home. That doesn't mean that won't happen, but for as long as we are able we will take care of her. <br />
<br />VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-82054577827767533992018-04-13T20:55:00.001-07:002018-04-16T10:18:37.284-07:00Disclaimer!The thing about blogging is knowing what to share. For me this is kind of like a release valve. It's not always going to be sunshine and lollipops, that's not how life works. There are good days and bad days and I try to take all of them in stride.<br />
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That being said, I know there are friends and family that read my blog so......<br />
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<u>Disclaimer</u>:<br />
You may not always like what I share, it may seem to personal.....especially on the caregiving side. But the thing is life isn't pretty and caregiving isn't easy. We live in bodies of disgrace and we are all imperfect beings, so if I share something that you think maybe I shouldn't, or is a little to "personal"......well, get over it. My goal is to be able to help someone else, like my friend's blog helped me when I needed it. I want people to know they are not alone. I want people to know that it's hard, but it does have it good days. But mostly, I'm doing this for myself and for my sanity.VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-75790071998434141632018-04-13T19:53:00.000-07:002018-04-16T10:18:37.125-07:00Don't sweat the small stuffBeing a caregiver is not an easy job. Being a caregiver to a parent is even harder. The child becomes the parent, but the parent still wants to be the parent. It's a fine line to walk while still trying to give them the respect they deserve as your elder. <br />
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It's a constant struggle and one that, if you're not careful can take a toll. You learn to pick your battles and if you're smart you try to avoid the unimportant ones as much as possible.<br />
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Case in point......we had fajitas this evening. I love fajitas, especially when the hubby makes them....he really is a good cook. Anyway...... I took a fajita to my mother-in-law with her side of sour cream and guacamole and was getting ready to go up and eat mine when she suddenly decided I needed to cut it up for her. Now mind you, I have NEVER cut it up for her before and expressed my surprise that she wanted it cut up this time to which she adamantly said that I always cut it up for her.<br />
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Now I had two options, continue to argue with her raising both our blood pressures, or move on. I really wanted to argue, to be right.....but taking a deep breath I instead, conceded the point and said I wasn't going to argue......and never one to let someone else have the last word, she curtly said she wasn't going to either. <br />
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This has now become my life, when to enter the battlefield (Yes, you do need to wear your oxygen if you still want to live) and when to just sit on the sidelines (Yes, you really were asleep and not just resting your eyes). I don't always make the right choice, but I'm getting better at spotting them. <br />
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Side note: Just because you decide to sit on the sidelines doesn't mean you won't get frustrated in doing so. The sooner you can let the small stuff go, the happier you'll be....trust me! Now, if only I can follow my own advice.<br />
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<br />VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-82850230876425760442018-04-04T21:17:00.001-07:002018-04-20T16:18:17.950-07:00This is my life - Part 2The year was 2015. My youngest graduated from high school in May and my oldest graduated from college in December. My mother moved out sometime in between. Oh, and we got a dog....Gidget.<br />
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<img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8xWJISfs61BE6o4mJLGgyISIRg1Ya6_AEuafcAZlpJsIByapdXKR3t5T3KbWIAizNkqOCuisjUgAQi0huWwM2Fxy44dN2f9KiJ6oLRGEEEEDs7dFSl18DXFgGaxfzWXTgzMhMkySpJ4AK/s200/IMG_0004.JPG" width="150" /> <span style="text-align: left;">Isn't she a cutie!!</span></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;">This was also the year I went back to work for the first time in almost 20 years! I never graduated from college, and unlike most people, really have no desire to go back for a degree. Mostly, I just wanted to get out of the house. I didn't need to work, but I wanted to. My only problem was I had no idea even where to begin. I wanted to be a receptionist, but everything I applied for wanted experience in programs I knew nothing about. I started thinking about taking some classes so that I could add it to my sparse resume. Instead, I got a job as a cashier at a local grocery store. I didn't mind it, but standing on my feet all day was killer! I enjoyed all the people and actually being able to interact with them.</span></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;">About two months into that job someone told me about an opening at a local office for the front desk. I thought what the heck I would apply. After two interviews, I got the job! I was going to be working at the front desk! I started Thanksgiving week of that year. </span></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;">Oh, I almost forgot, this was also the year I colored my hair for the first time in my life. I didn't really color it, but got highlights, lots of highlights, and I loved them! I wished I had the courage to do it earlier! But better late than never!</span></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;">Fast forward to 2017. Things began to change once again. My oldest moved out, got engaged and then married all before the year was even over. My youngest was still trying to figure out who he was and what he wanted to do with his life, in fact he still is. My mother, bless her heart moved two times, into what we hope will be the last place for awhile. Which brings us to the latest chapter in this ever changing thing called life.</span></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;">In July 2017, my husband(and his brother) and I began the process of moving his parents out here to live with us for health reasons and once again I was thrust into the role of caregiver. Only this time, I was the main caregiver, unlike the last time when my mother was and I was just the helper. It's amazing what time does to a person's memory. I had actually thought I did more than I did last time, when in reality I was more just an observer there to help as needed. This time, it was my mother-in-law who needed the help as she is diabetic and not very mobile, so the caregiving fell to me by default as the lone female in the house. Well, except the dog, but I don't think she would be much help.</span></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;">My youngest has been a big help as he is home while hubby and I are at work. I know that is a big part of what is keeping him from moving on and it pains me. We, the hubby and I, are constantly telling him to "save himself" and get a job to get out of the house. While grandpa may drive him crazy, he has a soft heart when it comes to his grandma and wants to help, but he can only do so much and as we've told him, it is not his burden or responsibility to carry. I just pray he can find the strength to let go and get on with his life.</span></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;">So....this is my life. I work outside the home and when I'm not working, I am taking care of my mother-in-law. Which is why I've decided to start blogging again. As I found out when I was just the helper, sometimes you just need to vent. And as I found out from my friend Nancy and her <a href="https://nancysnotesonnothing.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">blog</a>, there may be others out there that need to know they are not alone. That being a caretaker to your parent(s), or in-laws for that matter, is not all roses and smiles. There will be good times and there will be bad times, but the key is to dwell in the good and brush off the bad. And I hope through this blog I can do just that.</span></div>
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VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-36150954908053850992018-04-04T19:49:00.002-07:002018-04-16T10:18:36.448-07:00This is my life - Part 1Hello everyone, it's been a long time......too long! So long I don't even know how or where to begin. Life as I knew it has changed. Gone are the days of being a stay at home mom that homeschooled her kids.....they grew up and I got a job. Gone are the days of taking care of my kids, instead I get to take care of the parents, and not just my parents, but the in-laws.....I'll get to that part in another post.<br />
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Life is funny that way, it never goes as you expect or plan......there's a quote by Woody Allen, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans".....while I don't necessarily thinks He laughs AT us, I do think He smiles like a father would when his child tries to tells him how he could do a better job.<br />
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That's where I feel I am at....the Father, patting my head and smiling. Now don't get me wrong, I know that His plans and ways are better then my own, and while I may not understand them as I walk them out, I know they are the best for me. BUT, that doesn't mean I don't complain and moan at times.<br />
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The real change in my life started back in 2013. Those that have read my posts probably remember a blog or two about my mom and stepdad moving out here and in with us, while that did take place in 2013, my life changed before they even arrived. You see it was that year my husband, and with my support, started a church in our town. We were hungry for the Word of God and the Holy Spirit. While there are plenty of good churches in our town that preach the Word, we couldn't find any that really allowed the Holy Spirit to be a part of it. So, we started a church in our basement and I became not a Pastor's wife, but a wife of a Pastor and yes, there is a difference.<br />
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Except for close friends, I told no-one. You see, when someone finds out you are a Pastor, or the wife of a Pastor, they suddenly feel like they have to act differently around you, when they really don't need to with me. I'm still the same dorky sinner that I was before we started the church, so I've kept that part of my life, while not hidden, not out in the open. Over the past 5yrs, I've slowly began to open that part of my life up to others and will continue to do so, taking it one day at a time. I guess by posting this here, it's pretty open!<br />
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Anyway, about 4 months after we started the church, we were able to move into a building and it was none to soon as my mother and step-dad were coming out here to live with us so I could help in his care. He had been diagnosed with advanced dementia at the beginning of the year and really hadn't fought it, so it was progressing rather rapidly. My mother was unable to care for him by herself so we moved them into our basement that July. I shared some of those stories <a href="http://ventingvebber.blogspot.com/2013/07/enjoying-sunshine.html" target="_blank">here</a>, <a href="http://ventingvebber.blogspot.com/2013/08/its-so-bright-ive-got-to-wear-shades.html" target="_blank">here</a>, and <a href="http://ventingvebber.blogspot.com/2013/08/i-get-it-i-really-get-it.html" target="_blank">here</a>...along with a couple others. He passed that November peacefully in his sleep, just shy of his 84th birthday.<br />
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My mother continued to live with us while she got some things for herself taken care of, then she moved into a place of her own just across town. Our house was ours again for the first time in over two years, but things were beginning to change again............<br />
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<br />VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-44125654857257250152013-09-04T21:44:00.001-07:002018-04-16T10:18:36.579-07:00It's no fun!It's no fun knowing there is nothing more you can do.<br />
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It's no fun trying your darndest to get someone to eat.<br />
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It's no fun watching someone waste away.<br />
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It's no fun playing the bad guy.<br />
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It's no fun feeling like your hands are tied.<br />
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It's no fun not knowing what you could do.<br />
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It's no fun walking the fine line of truth and fiction without ending up in the fiction yourself.<br />
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It's no fun wanting to scream at the top of your lungs and not being able to.<br />
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It's no fun wanting to break into hysterics at the first chance of being alone.<br />
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It's no fun, it's just no fun.<br />
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But thankfully I take my delight in the Lord because:<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Neh 8:10</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Phil 4:13</td></tr>
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<br />VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-65486340489400048592013-08-26T17:56:00.002-07:002018-04-16T10:18:36.994-07:00I get it, I really get it!So, I follow this blog about a woman who is raising her daughters while taking care of her mother who has alzheimers. She writes about the good, the bad, the funny, the ugly.....everything......and I've learned alot from it and until recently never realized how much I have learned from it.<br />
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Today, I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for my stepdad for lunch, with a few chips on the side. You wouldn't think that would be a big deal now would you? Well, you see that's that where you would be wrong. Every meal, well almost every meal, is a fine balancing act to get him to eat. It either looks funny, tastes "like crap", is too sweet, isn't sweet enough or he just doesn't understand why he has to eat it. More often than not he will ask why he has to eat whatever is in front of him and more often than not we have to bribe him with a drink(milk or orange juice, his drink of choice. LOL) to get him to eat.<br />
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It's like living with a small child, only one you have to give respect to because they are your elder. It's not a matter of telling him to do something, it's more like reasoning with him. He's always had a very logical mind and wanted to know how things work. So with the Dementia and the "forgetfulness" he struggles with the understanding of the why. Why does he need to eat? There have been numerous times when he said he wished there was a different way for him to get his food. I've told him the only other way is to get an I.V installed and being force fed. He isn't too keen on that idea, so that usually gets him to eat.<br />
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So what does all that have to do with the blog I follow? Well, it prepared me (prepares me still) for the road ahead. While I don't have all the complications that come with Alzheimers, I do have my challenges....like getting him to eat. But, because of her blog I can relax a little and not stress out about the struggles as much and know that I'm not alone. Because no one ever likes to feel they are alone. It gives me courage to speak out myself.<br />
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Check out <a href="http://nancysnotesonnothing.blogspot.com.au/" target="_blank">Nancy's Notes on Nothing</a>. You'll laugh, you'll cry......you'll feel!!! Enjoy it, I know I do! (She <b><u>REALLY</u></b> needs to write a book about this too! hint hint Nancy!)</div>
<br />VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com2Fountain Hills Fountain Hills33.59171 -111.711097tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-23213461794051910302013-08-26T12:02:00.002-07:002018-04-16T10:18:36.256-07:00Are they really that bad?The other day my family and I were watching some videos on YouTube. They weren't just any videos, no they were dash cam videos. Not just any dash cam videos, but Russian dash cam videos. If you haven't seen one of these videos yet, you really should.<br />
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It all started because I was slightly bored and there really wasn't anything good on tv, well anything worth watching. I was scrolling my FB feed and came across a post about a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bgn7n3OPAqE" target="_blank">Russian hovercraft landing on a beach</a> (click to see the video) and well, one thing led to another and I found myself submerged in compilation after compilation of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/VodkaVideo/videos" target="_blank">Russian dash cam videos</a> (again click to watch). <br />
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There was turning right from the far left hand lane, turning left from the far right hand lane, running of red lights, confusing lane changes, driving too fast for the conditions and even a horse drawn carriage whose driver was passed out. There wasn't a video that didn't make me wonder if they actually have to take a test to get their license, or is it handed out to them when they are born. Numerous times you could hear me saying "Oh, don't do that, don't do that" or "Please tell me you are going to stop". It got to the point that my family finally had to see what I was watching and then they too joined in with the commentaries, laughter, and complete dumbfoundedness at the escapades shown on the screen. In fact I was ready to stop and go to bed at one point, but they kept wanting to watch more.<br />
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Finally, we could take no more, and there was plenty more, so we called it a night. Wondering if dash cams were installed on American cars would we have just as many videos like those? I think we all agreed that there probably would. Ignorance is bliss.<br />
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<br />VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-18153478363095388232013-08-23T21:02:00.002-07:002018-04-16T10:18:36.192-07:00What's it going to take?What do you do when you get out of a routine? How do you get yourself back into a routine, especially when everything around you is changing? Lately I have felt as if I have been floundering in everything I do, somehow getting by.<div>
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Now don't get me wrong, I'm not in dire straits or anything.....and is it dire straits or dire straights??? Does it matter that one is the name of a band?? I digress.</div>
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Having your parents live with you really messes with your routine. You are used to things a certain way, a certain smell, a certain sound. You add in two new, well not new :-), people with their own way, own smell(yes, I went there), own sound and it just throws everything off. Add in the fact that those people are your parents that you fought to get independence from and one of them needing extra help and well, life just won't ever be the same. </div>
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So where does that leave me? Changing that's where, learning to be flexible. It's easy to be flexible when it's something that you know isn't going to last, but being flexible 24/7/365?? Is that something a person can really do? I'll just say that it's something I'm learning to do. Am I always successful?? Not by a long shot, but I'm trying and that's what's important.</div>
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VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7295056443265453138.post-64150854695519186032013-08-01T20:28:00.000-07:002018-04-16T10:18:36.930-07:00It's so bright I've got to wear shadesEarlier this week we were running out of one of the medications that my step-father takes twice a day, so my mom decided to cut it back to once a day to hopefully make them last until the refill arrived. Turns out that was the best thing we could have done! Before he was sleeping all the time, could barely finish a sentence and rarely could he feed himself as he was just too tired and basically in a fog.<br />
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The first morning waking up after a single dose we saw a difference. He was sitting up in bed....on his own and was more alert. By the third day he no longer needed the assistance walking around and was carrying on full conversations, slowly, but he was doing it! He was even getting himself out of bed in the morning and feeding himself most meals.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Getting ready to go sit by the pool.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">
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He does still get tired after sitting out in the heat, but who doesn't?! But there is a light to his eyes and a smile on his face. He's even gotten his sense of humor back.<br />
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Will he ever be 100%, I don't think so, but at least he is happy again, no longer in a fog. A week ago we were looking for the sunshine, this week that is all we are finding!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The happy couple</td></tr>
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<br /><br /><br />VentingVebberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13976887020854879334noreply@blogger.com2