Writing your own Hallelujah

This morning in church my husband said something that punched me in the gut, a truth so deep it took my breath away, stripping me of any composure I had.   What he said was:

      "When you are in the midst of God's grace, sometimes you have to write your own Hallelujah"

Seems like an odd statement doesn't it?  And if I wasn't in the place I was at right now, I probably wouldn't have understood it.  It was a revelation for me....an "AHA!" moment and I lost it.  If I hadn't been at the front of the church(I'm on the worship team at church and this was just as we had finished singing the last song..... Hallelujah) I would have been a heap on the floor in the back.  As it was I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.

The meaning of Hallelujah is literally God be praised.  In the struggles of life we often forget to look for that Hallelujah, and there is always one to be found.  If nothing else, it is His Grace alone that deserves one.  For it is by His grace alone that we have been saved.

You see, I've been struggling lately.  I'm normally a very happy person, almost always with a smile on my face.  But lately, the smile doesn't come quite so naturally.  Things that used to bring me joy, now seem to leave me empty.   God has given me a grace to care for our aging parents.  I know He has.   But it's not easy and at times I resent it.  I want my life back.   And I forgot.   I forgot to look for the Hallelujah.

So, starting today I'm going to try harder to walk in that grace and if I have to.....I will write my own Hallelujah.



Sidenote:
When I started writing in my blog again my hope was that it would be helpful to others, yet still lighthearted and fun.   Yet, every time I sit down to start writing an entry, most with the intention of being fun and lighthearted, they get shut down....pushed to the side and I struggle to find the words that seemed all to clear to me before I opened my laptop to write.   Instead out comes words from a completely different direction.   So, it is what it is and I will just go where the keyboard takes me.