These past two months have been a challenge for me, both physically and spiritually. A challenge I wasn't sure I was up to.
A couple of months ago I went to the dermatologist for a spot on my face that I thought for sure was going to start growing a hair out of it. Instead of coming away with just a (eventual) spot-free face, I also came away with a diagnosis of Melanoma on my lower back and I needed to have surgery to remove it (and I would find out later from the surgeon, a lymph node). As the hubby and I say.....well that escalated quickly!
Now mind you, this particular spot on my back I have had for years, so I've never really given it much thought. I have routinely asked the hubby if it looked like it had changed any and the answer was always no. So when I was told what it was and that surgery was required, I really didn't give it a lot of thought.
It wasn't until the surgeon was in a hurry to get me scheduled that any sort of apprehension really started to appear. Which if that happens, don't run to google like I did. It doesn't help. It was at this point that I found out that Melanoma is the deadliest of all skin cancers if not caught early. Remember, I said I had this spot for years. The seed of fear had now been planted.
Now, I put on a brave face because I was still telling myself and others, this was nothing. My husband didn't even come to any of the appointments because I didn't think it was necessary. I even told him he didn't have to wait at the hospital while I was in surgery. I was going to be there all day with the lymph node test and surgery, so I didn't want him to have to sit in the waiting room that whole time for a "minor" procedure.
But as I lay in that hospital bed in pre-op, by myself, I wished I had him stay. I could hear all the other patients talking to their family/friends all around me. It was at this point that fear started to rise and I tried to keep the tears from coming. Being alone with my thoughts was not a good thing. I had my phone with me so I tried to listen to worship music, but even that couldn't get through the noise of the fear. I tried doing a crossword, and that helped a little because it kept my mind active enough to quiet the fear a little. Quiet enough that I could hear that still small voice whisper and remind me that I needed to do my Bible reading for the day. (I'm doing a plan for reading the Bible in a year)
So I open up the Bible app and the first chapter of the day is Psalms 23. And just like that fear was silenced. I continued reading the chapters for the day and they all washed over me. What's that saying....."Peace like a river" and that is exactly how it was. All fear was silenced and joy filled my heart. I knew He was in charge.
It would be another 11 days before I knew the results of the surgery. Would they get it all?? Did it spread?? In the meantime, after getting home and seeing the incisions, we realized how "minor" this surgery wasn't.....yes, wasn't! I had a 6inch incision on my back that looked like a Frankenstein operation and 2 inch incision on my underarm where they took the lymph node. Both hubby and myself were surprised. After all the spot on my back was about the size of a fingernail.
So when I saw those scars, fear began to take hold again. And again, I put on a brave face for myself and others. I knew this was going to be the end of it, but fear was still trying seep in. I kept waiting for the phone call that never came during those 11 days of waiting.
Then came the Sunday before my Tuesday follow-up appointment and a Word came that Jesus didn't take those stripes in vain(paraphrasing). A light bulb went off, and a flame begin to build again, but fear is an enemy that doesn't like to give up, and it didn't. So Tuesday arrives, my follow-up appointment with the surgeon isn't until the end of the day. Which means I have to think about it all day! Thankfully, I have to take my daughter-in-law to the airport, so on the way back from the airport I put on my Bible reading for day to listen to as I'm driving. I'm still in Psalms, it does have 150 chapters after all, and the last chapter for the day is Psalms 91. Peace like a river!
We (hubby went with me to this visit) meet with the surgeon and he tells us they got it all and it didn't spread! We also went back to the cancer doc the next day, who said the same thing, and said I didn't need to come back to her again. Praise the Lord!
Now hindsight is always 20/20 right?!?! As the hubby and I looked back on this journey, we saw God at work in every stage of the process: I never would have gotten that spot checked if it weren't for the spot on my face.(No, I'm not saying God gave me the spot). If my husband had gone with me to any of the appointments, we probably wouldn't have taken it very seriously and probably looked at alternatives. He is not a fan of doctors after having worked with them for many years, feels most are out for their "pound of flesh". Even though I told him they were going to remove a lymph node, he doesn't remember that and he would have probably tried to talk me out of it. If he had been with me at the hospital, I probably wouldn't have done the Bible reading when I did. The timing of the chapters themselves -Psalms 23 at the beginning and Psalms 91 at the end.
Now some might say, "well, you had that spot for a long time with no symptoms so you knew it wasn't going to to be anything anyway", and that very well may be. BUT, and it's a big but, there is still room for fear AND if I hadn't even gone the dermatologist in the first place, who knows when I would have found out! God is in control and knows the beginning and the end. If any of those circumstances had been different I wouldn't have seen Him move the way He did. The perfect timing of the scriptures alone, leaves me in wondrous awe of His majesty.
God is good, and I will NOT let Jesus take those stripes in vain!
