I don't get mad easily. I also don't like to get mad, because when I do, I lose it, and by lose it I mean I start to shake and cry. I don't yell or scream, I never have, but I cry. Nothing says angry like a red, puffy face streaming with tears. So I try to avoid confrontation at all cost, or at least after a certain point. Usually that point is when I feel like I am not being heard or listened to, basically feeling like I'm just being disregarded.
I'm usually pretty good at avoiding those type of situations in a public setting. Mostly because I don't like causing a scene and having attention focused on me. It's easier to just let the other person believe what they want, especially when I know I am not going to change their mind. For the most part, the things we get angry over are really not that important anyways and I've been good at trying to look at things from the other person's perspective.....most of the time.
But when I feel like they don't even want to hear what I have to say, or care to hear what I am saying, or just feel like I'm being ignored or forgotten, AND if I am not careful and not paying attention, it will begin to build until I can't stop it.
Yesterday was one of those days. Thankfully, I kept it together until I got to my car. The details really aren't important because after writing it all down, it just seemed silly on my part for getting so worked up, but long story short, I didn't get a special price on some things at the grocery store, the cashier wasn't being helpful and I was getting worked up over $3. Yes, you read that correctly....$3(but in hindsight, it was a 10% savings on the total bill.....just sayin'). When all was said and done, I got my $3 from the customer service desk and learned something new. Something that someone with any customer service bone in their body would have been able to explain to me politely in the first place. (okay, maybe I'm not quite over it like I thought, LOL)
I had three attitude options:
1) Get upset at the cashier
2) Get upset at myself
3) Be happy I got my $3, learned something new, and got on with my life
So, what did I choose? If you guessed #1 you would be correct. Of course, just as bad would have been to beat myself up for not knowing something in the first place. Neither one of those are the right attitude to have, but usually they are the easiest ones to go to, at least for me.....especially #2. And usually, though I may choose #1 or 2, I can talk myself back down to a #3 sooner rather than later. It is a rare incident when I can't.
But, there I was driving home working myself up even more, lamenting the fact that someone wasn't very nice or helpful. It wasn't until I got about halfway home, sitting at a 4-way stop sign by myself, and had let out a blood curdling scream of rage that I realized I had lost it. Truly lost it. It scared me. I have only ever really lost it that bad one other time and I almost broke my hand hitting a wall. That was almost 30 years ago and I vowed I would never let it get that bad again. I don't like feeling that way and really there is NO EXCUSE for such behavior. Sure a scream every now and then can be a release, but this wasn't that kind of scream, it was a sound I didn't recognize and that was why it scared me. I realized that if I wasn't careful I was at a tipping point, and not a good one. I stopped my attitude from continuing in the direction it was going, said a quick prayer or two or twenty. I changed the conversation I had been having with myself. I went from a position of pride and indignation, to one of humility and repentance. Slowly, I began to calm down and regain my composure, but it wasn't until I had gotten home, explained to the husband why I had been crying, and had some time pass until I was truly at peace again.
I started this entry last night after getting home from the store and having dinner. It actually started out a lot different, complete with photographic evidence. It originally went into painful detail of the experience, but as I continued to write, read what I wrote, write some more, reread, and so on, it morphed into something else. Sure I could have spent this whole post complaining and whining, but what purpose would it serve, how does that help the greater good? I don't need anyone to tell me I was right or wrong, or that the cashier was either. And in the long run, it wouldn't make me feel any better, I dare say it would probably make me feel worse.
So, all that to say what? I'm really not sure, but I know I needed to write this for a reason. I can do better, be better. WE can do better, WE can be better. And we must.
Life isn't always going to be easy and is often filled with opportunities that we miss, just because we aren't paying attention. So, I don't know about you, but I'm going to try to have my eyes open a little bit wider, pay a little better attention, try to be a better person, and to do a better job. I want to be an encouragement for others and when I'm back at the store again and that cashier's line is the one available I won't avoid it, but go through it with a smile on my face.
Friday, January 31, 2020
Saturday, January 25, 2020
A New Chapter, Pt 3
The previous two posts were about the passing of my in-laws, who we had been taking care of for the last 2 1/2 years, which brings me to the real purpose of this blog writing.
What Next??
It's been a little over 8 months since my father-in-law passed and just over a week for my mother-in-law's passing. We've slowly been going through all the stuff that needs to get gone through, sorting out that which is a keeper, a toss, or a donation. Even with what little they brought, or so we thought, there is still a lot to go through. We still have two memorials to plan for my mother-n-law. One here in Arizona, and another in Colorado.
But I digress, that's not the reason for this post.
You see, my husband and I celebrated our 24th anniversary back in November, so we are well on our way to the 25th. I came into this marriage with a 3 year old son from a previous marriage, we dated when my son was 2. So since the first day of our relationship we've always had to think about someone else whenever we wanted to do anything. There has never been a time when we could just leave on a whim, or stay out all day(and night) without having some sort of plan or arrangement.
This realization hit me the other day when we were out running some errands together. I realized we didn't need to check in or check on anybody, we could do whatever we wanted.....within reason, I do still have a job. LOL And I said as much to my husband and I even said as much on Facebook. Of course the friends with grown kids compared it "empty nest", but I really don't think that is the same. Sure it is to some degree, but it goes even deeper than that.
As kids grow up they become more independent(usually) and begin to spend less time at home and more time away, so there is to some degree a weaning period, a gradualness to it. With this, there was no gradual. One day it was like being chained up with no freedom and then suddenly the chain was gone, not broken.....but gone.
It's an odd feeling and one I'm still getting used to. It's also one I am going to try and enjoy while I can because we are never promised tomorrow and we don't know what tomorrow will bring. I should also say at this point that our youngest(now 21) does still live at home and has impeccable timing. You see, just as I got done telling my husband about my realization, we both got a text from him.....asking where we were and if it involved dinner! Kids!!! They always know how to keep us grounded.
So, here's to a new chapter. I'm excited to see what there is in store for me, my husband, and our family.
What Next??
It's been a little over 8 months since my father-in-law passed and just over a week for my mother-in-law's passing. We've slowly been going through all the stuff that needs to get gone through, sorting out that which is a keeper, a toss, or a donation. Even with what little they brought, or so we thought, there is still a lot to go through. We still have two memorials to plan for my mother-n-law. One here in Arizona, and another in Colorado.
But I digress, that's not the reason for this post.
You see, my husband and I celebrated our 24th anniversary back in November, so we are well on our way to the 25th. I came into this marriage with a 3 year old son from a previous marriage, we dated when my son was 2. So since the first day of our relationship we've always had to think about someone else whenever we wanted to do anything. There has never been a time when we could just leave on a whim, or stay out all day(and night) without having some sort of plan or arrangement.
This realization hit me the other day when we were out running some errands together. I realized we didn't need to check in or check on anybody, we could do whatever we wanted.....within reason, I do still have a job. LOL And I said as much to my husband and I even said as much on Facebook. Of course the friends with grown kids compared it "empty nest", but I really don't think that is the same. Sure it is to some degree, but it goes even deeper than that.
As kids grow up they become more independent(usually) and begin to spend less time at home and more time away, so there is to some degree a weaning period, a gradualness to it. With this, there was no gradual. One day it was like being chained up with no freedom and then suddenly the chain was gone, not broken.....but gone.
It's an odd feeling and one I'm still getting used to. It's also one I am going to try and enjoy while I can because we are never promised tomorrow and we don't know what tomorrow will bring. I should also say at this point that our youngest(now 21) does still live at home and has impeccable timing. You see, just as I got done telling my husband about my realization, we both got a text from him.....asking where we were and if it involved dinner! Kids!!! They always know how to keep us grounded.
So, here's to a new chapter. I'm excited to see what there is in store for me, my husband, and our family.
A New Chapter, Pt 2
In the previous post I talked about the passing of my father-in-law. We always knew he was going to pass, and probably not long after coming to live with us in 2017. BUT.....and it's a big one, we always thought, and most everyone that knew our family thought, that my mother-in-law would be the one to pass first. She had already technically died 2 or 3 times back in Colorado, and on the last one even argued with paramedics about it because she hadn't seen a bright light, therefore there was no way she could have died, even though by all medical terms she had.
I've written other posts about the trials and tribulations of taking care of my mother-in-law, so I won't rehash those, but feel free to go back and read them if you need a refresher, never read them before, or just because you want to.
After the passing of her husband, she grew weary of the daily battles that she had....with memory, day to day tasks, everything.....and she began sleeping more. And after several months she decided she had had enough and she wanted to go home...to Heaven. She even got out of bed on her own in the middle of the night, put on her socks and shoes, and decided she was going to leave, just keep walking until Jesus took her home. The only problem....she couldn't figure out how to open the garage door. We wouldn't have know any of this except for the fact that her shoes were by her bed in the morning when we went down to get her "ready" for the day and she had her "good" socks on. It was then my husband and I knew something had to change. We spoke with her doctor and called Hospice. Much to my surprise, Hospice deemed her a candidate. I had always thought that you had to have a doctor say you had 6 mos or less to live, but because of her health issues and her attempted "escape" they saw no problem.
My husband had had a feeling she would "be home" by Christmas and I'll admit there were a couple of times I thought for sure that he was right, two specific times in fact......but the next day she would be alert and it was like nothing had changed. Christmas, came and went and my mother-in-law seemed better than before and we were resigned to fact that she was in fact going to live forever.
Once again, my husband and I had a trip planned. This time to Cancun. He had retired at the end of 2019 so he could be a Pastor full-time and his company had asked him to come to their annual company meeting so they could send him off. They even said I could come. It was truly a blessing for us and a much needed vacation. We hadn't gone on a vacation together since 2010. Nothing was going to get in the way of this.
We made arrangements for respite care with Hospice for the time we were gone. They would allow 5 days, we were only going to be gone 4, so it worked out perfectly. They would pick her up the Sunday before we left and bring her back on Friday, a day after we got back. It worked out perfectly.
That Friday before we all left for our prospective destinations, I had a feeling that she was going to pass while we were gone, I just knew she would, but I also knew that we still needed to go. My husband, being the pragmatic that he is, had already been getting things in place just in case, so that there was no reason to come home early. Sunday came, and my mother-in-law was picked up. We went and saw her after she got settled in, and I can look back now and see she truly seemed to be at peace. Before she left for respite care she kept asking when she was going, when they were going to pick her up, how long she was going to be there.....over and over. I thought it was because she was scared, or hurt, or angry. Looking back I can see the deeper meaning in those questions.
We left early Monday morning, looking forward to a couple of days of uninterrupted relaxation. Once we landed in Cancun, had found our transportation, and were on our way to the hotel the texts started to come in. The Hospice nurse had sent a message just before we landed that it appeared my mother-in-law was starting the transition. It was a long 25 minute drive to the hotel while we made phone calls and sent text messages to let immediate family know. My mother also visited her that same day and said the same thing. We let our sons know, one of which was in Cancun with us as he works for my husbands old company. Our youngest was able to visit her, tell her he loved her, and say goodbye.
Just before noon(Arizona time) on Tuesday, January 14th, Bonnie Warembourg breathed her last and peacefully passed into the arms of her Savior, something she had been wanting for awhile. We were told by the Hospice nurse that it was the most peaceful passing they had ever had.
We finished our vacation. We had put things in place for just such an occurrence, and there was really nothing more we could do, that couldn't wait a day or two. The Lord knew we needed that vacation, and looking back so did she. As a good friend pointed out to us, we think the reason she didn't pass before Christmas.....she didn't want to do it in our house. So, for all the 20 questions about when she was going and for how long, I can look back and she was just getting herself prepared.
So, now what.......... (cont)
I've written other posts about the trials and tribulations of taking care of my mother-in-law, so I won't rehash those, but feel free to go back and read them if you need a refresher, never read them before, or just because you want to.
After the passing of her husband, she grew weary of the daily battles that she had....with memory, day to day tasks, everything.....and she began sleeping more. And after several months she decided she had had enough and she wanted to go home...to Heaven. She even got out of bed on her own in the middle of the night, put on her socks and shoes, and decided she was going to leave, just keep walking until Jesus took her home. The only problem....she couldn't figure out how to open the garage door. We wouldn't have know any of this except for the fact that her shoes were by her bed in the morning when we went down to get her "ready" for the day and she had her "good" socks on. It was then my husband and I knew something had to change. We spoke with her doctor and called Hospice. Much to my surprise, Hospice deemed her a candidate. I had always thought that you had to have a doctor say you had 6 mos or less to live, but because of her health issues and her attempted "escape" they saw no problem.
My husband had had a feeling she would "be home" by Christmas and I'll admit there were a couple of times I thought for sure that he was right, two specific times in fact......but the next day she would be alert and it was like nothing had changed. Christmas, came and went and my mother-in-law seemed better than before and we were resigned to fact that she was in fact going to live forever.
Once again, my husband and I had a trip planned. This time to Cancun. He had retired at the end of 2019 so he could be a Pastor full-time and his company had asked him to come to their annual company meeting so they could send him off. They even said I could come. It was truly a blessing for us and a much needed vacation. We hadn't gone on a vacation together since 2010. Nothing was going to get in the way of this.
We made arrangements for respite care with Hospice for the time we were gone. They would allow 5 days, we were only going to be gone 4, so it worked out perfectly. They would pick her up the Sunday before we left and bring her back on Friday, a day after we got back. It worked out perfectly.
That Friday before we all left for our prospective destinations, I had a feeling that she was going to pass while we were gone, I just knew she would, but I also knew that we still needed to go. My husband, being the pragmatic that he is, had already been getting things in place just in case, so that there was no reason to come home early. Sunday came, and my mother-in-law was picked up. We went and saw her after she got settled in, and I can look back now and see she truly seemed to be at peace. Before she left for respite care she kept asking when she was going, when they were going to pick her up, how long she was going to be there.....over and over. I thought it was because she was scared, or hurt, or angry. Looking back I can see the deeper meaning in those questions.
We left early Monday morning, looking forward to a couple of days of uninterrupted relaxation. Once we landed in Cancun, had found our transportation, and were on our way to the hotel the texts started to come in. The Hospice nurse had sent a message just before we landed that it appeared my mother-in-law was starting the transition. It was a long 25 minute drive to the hotel while we made phone calls and sent text messages to let immediate family know. My mother also visited her that same day and said the same thing. We let our sons know, one of which was in Cancun with us as he works for my husbands old company. Our youngest was able to visit her, tell her he loved her, and say goodbye.
Just before noon(Arizona time) on Tuesday, January 14th, Bonnie Warembourg breathed her last and peacefully passed into the arms of her Savior, something she had been wanting for awhile. We were told by the Hospice nurse that it was the most peaceful passing they had ever had.
We finished our vacation. We had put things in place for just such an occurrence, and there was really nothing more we could do, that couldn't wait a day or two. The Lord knew we needed that vacation, and looking back so did she. As a good friend pointed out to us, we think the reason she didn't pass before Christmas.....she didn't want to do it in our house. So, for all the 20 questions about when she was going and for how long, I can look back and she was just getting herself prepared.
So, now what.......... (cont)
A New Chapter Pt 1
For the past 2 1/2 years my husband and I have been the full-time caregivers for his parents, with some help from our youngest son, especially in the first year. May 16th of 2019 my husband's father passed, leaving us only his mother to take care of. That in of itself would seem like a lightened load, but in reality, the burden didn't change. My husband's father pretty much took care of himself, only needing help getting to an occasional doctor appointment since the discovery of prostate cancer in December of 2018.
He had his first seizure sometime around March of 2019,which was something I had never witnessed before. I still remember that night, as my husband was gone for a meeting. I never wanted to go through something like again, I wouldn't get my wish. My father-in-law recovered quickly and was back home in a couple of days, with no diagnosis as to what caused it and life went back to normal, albeit maybe a little slower for my husband's father. He had always been a resilient man, a tough cookie. Until recently, never sick a day in his life and except for the new pills for the prostate, on no medication. Which for an 86 year old man is pretty unheard of!!
My father-in-law had his second seizure on the afternoon of Wednesday, May 15th. Thankfully we were all home, but it wouldn't have mattered. My husband followed him to the hospital while I stayed home with my mother-in-law and our son. This time he wasn't waking up, so I loaded up the group and we headed to the hospital to say our goodbyes. I still choke up just thinking about it. He was a great man with a big heart and we miss him still, but have only happy thoughts and memories.(That was until I sat down to write this and relived that day again.)
My husband and I were supposed to go on a group trip to Israel. We would have left May 14th and not been back for over 10 days. After the first seizure I didn't have peace about going on that trip. We would have put my husband's mom in some place of care as she had special needs that our son wouldn't be able to handle by himself, but had planned nothing for his father because again, he was pretty much taking care of himself. I told my husband that we needed to cancel our trip and forfeit our deposit......$300/ea. He wasn't so sure, but after some discussion he trusted my instinct and the trip was off. Which turned out to be divine intervention.
If it weren't for God's intervention(and I do believe He spoke to me back in March about this), we would have just landed in Israel when that seizure hit and would have been on a plane when he passed. Our son, who was 20 at that time, would have been alone when it all happened and while he would have dialed 911 just like we did, he would have been lost after that. Sure there are people(my mother, our son and daughter-in-law) that he could have called, but none of them would have been able to help him right then. And that is not something I wanted to happen and whether my husband wanted to admit it or not(but he did, LOL) he didn't want to be that far away if something did happen to his father and neither did I.
So on the morning of Thursday, May 16th Carl Warembourg, at the age of 87, passed peacefully in his sleep and went home to be with Jesus.
And then there was 1.............(cont.)
He had his first seizure sometime around March of 2019,which was something I had never witnessed before. I still remember that night, as my husband was gone for a meeting. I never wanted to go through something like again, I wouldn't get my wish. My father-in-law recovered quickly and was back home in a couple of days, with no diagnosis as to what caused it and life went back to normal, albeit maybe a little slower for my husband's father. He had always been a resilient man, a tough cookie. Until recently, never sick a day in his life and except for the new pills for the prostate, on no medication. Which for an 86 year old man is pretty unheard of!!
My father-in-law had his second seizure on the afternoon of Wednesday, May 15th. Thankfully we were all home, but it wouldn't have mattered. My husband followed him to the hospital while I stayed home with my mother-in-law and our son. This time he wasn't waking up, so I loaded up the group and we headed to the hospital to say our goodbyes. I still choke up just thinking about it. He was a great man with a big heart and we miss him still, but have only happy thoughts and memories.(That was until I sat down to write this and relived that day again.)
My husband and I were supposed to go on a group trip to Israel. We would have left May 14th and not been back for over 10 days. After the first seizure I didn't have peace about going on that trip. We would have put my husband's mom in some place of care as she had special needs that our son wouldn't be able to handle by himself, but had planned nothing for his father because again, he was pretty much taking care of himself. I told my husband that we needed to cancel our trip and forfeit our deposit......$300/ea. He wasn't so sure, but after some discussion he trusted my instinct and the trip was off. Which turned out to be divine intervention.
If it weren't for God's intervention(and I do believe He spoke to me back in March about this), we would have just landed in Israel when that seizure hit and would have been on a plane when he passed. Our son, who was 20 at that time, would have been alone when it all happened and while he would have dialed 911 just like we did, he would have been lost after that. Sure there are people(my mother, our son and daughter-in-law) that he could have called, but none of them would have been able to help him right then. And that is not something I wanted to happen and whether my husband wanted to admit it or not(but he did, LOL) he didn't want to be that far away if something did happen to his father and neither did I.
So on the morning of Thursday, May 16th Carl Warembourg, at the age of 87, passed peacefully in his sleep and went home to be with Jesus.
And then there was 1.............(cont.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)