There's always a silver lining

So, the past week has been very trying and that is putting it mildly!

It all started a week ago.   Lately, our dishwasher hadn't been cleaning the dishes very well, and we always had to make sure they were CLEAN(as in spotless) when we put them in.  We attributed it to the hard water out here in Arizona.  But the last week or so it didn't seem that things were getting dry, so the ever handy hubby decided to look inside at the heating element at which point he noticed the dishwasher was also filled with water.

*Sidenote*  My son, who usually does the dishes had apparently been telling us about the water for a number of days, but I'll be darned if I remember that....But, I believe he did as he has been stating what a bad job the dishwasher had been doing....which as stated above, we thought was due to hard water.....ANYWAY.......

So the hubs and son baled the water out of the dishwasher and pulled the unit out so he could see what was going on and to find out about the heating element.  Only when he pulled the machine away from the wall what did we find?  Mold, it had also apparently been leaking due to the water not pumping out.  He ordered some parts, including a new pump, hoping this would solve the problem but not sure it would.

No sooner did he get the dishwasher fixed(thank you Amazon Prime and 2 day shipping) we ran into another snag.  I went out to put chlorine in the pool duck and decided to check the skimmer baskets to get rid of any debris that had been picked up due the Monsoons we have been having.  Got all that taken care of when I noticed the pool vac wasn't moving so I decided to check the hoses and accidentally broke it in the process, no big deal we have spares.   Called the hubby and he brought a spare out, only to find that the pool vac still wasn't moving.  Long story, short(or is it too late for that??) after about an hour in the hot sun of monkeying around it was determined that the pool pump and filter had bit the dust.   Now, that wasn't too big of a surprise as we had been band-aiding it for the past 5 years, just not very good timing and it was going to cost some money to get that situation fixed.  It is also a situation we can't wait to take care of, it has to be addressed fairly quickly.

We go inside to cool off as we are both overheated only to get a text from our oldest who rents a house from us state that their pool pump/filter kept tripping the breaker whenever it turned on.  They had just left for a week's long vacation and noticed it that night before they left.   So, off hubby goes over to that house to see what is going on with their pool and he figures out what is causing the breaker to trip and takes care of that, but they had also been having other problems with the pool and it was not something the hubby could figure out on his own and he was concerned it would need new filters and possibly a pump as well!!!!

So before the weekend is over, we are thinking we are going to have to replace a dishwasher and two pool pumps.  CHA-CHING!!!   Thankfully, my husband is not too proud to ask for help so he touched base with a friend whose job it is to maintain, and apparently, fix pools.  So, while it may cost some money, at least someone else will be doing the work and that is two less things we have to worry about finding time to do.

Cue Monday........

By this time, we figured we had gotten everything under control.  The dishwasher parts had come in and been installed.  The dishwasher was up and running again, without having to buy a replacement.  The pools, while not yet fixed, were in process...we could at least breathe again.

Then, Monday night came along.  I came in from taking the dog out and hear water running.....loudly.  I follow the noise to find our laundry room flooded and not just a little bit.  I find the leak under the sink, but can't turn the water off.  So I'm screaming bloody murder trying to get my husband's attention, but he is too far away to hear me.  So I have to leave Niagara Falls in my laundry room to find him and yell for him.  He finally gets the water shut off and it turns out that a valve popped off our reverse osmosis system.  Now comes the fun part of trying to move everything out of the room, which if your laundry room is like ours, it's the catchall for everything.  It's also where our pantry is.  I think we went through every single towel we owned cleaning up the water.

But the best part, or I guess I should say the worst part, was we were trying to push the water to the floor drain under the washing machine....which normally would work wonderfully.    But this week hasn't been normal has it?!?!  As the hubby is clearing things from around the washer he notices that there is water under the washing machine......it wasn't going down the drain like it was supposed to.  So, now we are moving the washer and dryer to get to the drain.  After an unsuccessful 45 minutes of trying to get the clog to move, we resort to a hose with a nozzle attached to see if we can flush the clog out with pressure.   But instead of doing that it blows the water out the overflow pipe that is under our air conditioning unit that is housed in the laundry room.  Again, thankful for my handy hubby, he just happens to have some pvc pipe out in the garage and he rigs something together so that the water that comes off the AC unit drains into a bowl we put down until he has time to actually fix it and find the clog.  Because you see by this time it is almost 10pm( and I still have to help my mother-in-law get ready for bed, which this evening was it's own separate mess to clean up).

So, we finally hit the hay at almost midnight done with what we could for the night, exhausted and not looking forward to getting up in a few hours to get ready for work, hoping that the patch job would hold and that the bowl catching the AC water wouldn't overflow during the night.

Tuesday morning comes and goes, everything seems to have calmed down.  As long as we remember to dump the bowl of water from the patch job every 4-6 hours it will be fine until the weekend when he has the time to actually fix it properly.  Life seems to be calming down once again, or as calm as it can be given the circumstances.  That is until I go to get ice cream out of the freezer for dessert and notice icicles on the inside of the door and that the water dispenser has been dripping water and there is a size-able puddle in front of the fridge.  At this point it is all I can do to keep from crying and curling up into a ball on the kitchen floor.

I reluctantly go downstairs to my hubby who is now days behind in what he needs to be getting done, to ask him if it's supposed to be doing that.  That was not the question he wanted and not the answer I wanted to hear.   You see that reverse osmosis water system filtered the water for the fridge.   He had apparently turned off the water housing tank, and we....okay, I, had forgotten to turn off the ice maker so that it wouldn't run any more water through the system while we were waiting for the parts to repair the osmosis system. 

I don't know if you realize, I know I didn't, that you have to keep a constant water pressure going to the ice maker/water dispenser otherwise you get.....you guessed it.....a leak.   So here it is 8pm and we are taking everything out of the freezer to clean up all the frozen water inside, the whole time my husband is worried that the water line has been damaged and soon water will be pouring out the back of the fridge.   We get everything cleaned up and food put back in the freezer, get the water line attached back to a water supply and hope for the best, hope that the ice maker will work which hubby says it looks like it is. 

Once again, it's time to get the mother-in-law ready for bed so that is what we set out to do, thankfully no surprises there, so we head up to bed ourselves.  Thankfully, the hubby decided to check the freezer one more time to make sure the ice maker was in fact working......it wasn't!  UGH!!!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!  At this point I was holding back my tears and screams.

Thankfully, again, I have a handy hubby.  He went and got some tool and took the ice maker housing out and ran it under hot water to melt any ice that had formed from all the leaking water.  He got that cleaned out and put it back in.  We have now done all that we can do without pulling the fridge all the way out to check the lines running behind it and we really don't want to do that.  I say a small prayer before going to bed hoping to see ice cubes in the morning.

So, what do you suppose we woke up to?  Well, given all that has happened you would be lead to believe that we would have water all over the kitchen floor when we woke up and you would be.......



WRONG!!  WE HAVE ICE CUBES!!!!!

It's still early, the day is young, but I do believe the storm of troubles has finally passed and with hindsight being 20/20 I can actually see the good in all that happened.  You read that right....good.

1) If the heating element hadn't gone out, we probably wouldn't have noticed that that drain pump wasn't working for quite awhile and the flooding could have been a lot worse!

2)  If I hadn't gone to put chlorine in the pool and clean the baskets, we probably wouldn't have noticed the pool wasn't working for who knows how long, causing even more damage.

3) Our sons pool, if he hadn't checked his pool before leaving he never would have known that it was tripping the breaker and then they would have come back to an even bigger mess and expense.

4)  If the valve hadn't broken on the osmosis system, we never would have known that the AC drain pipe was clogged for probably weeks, causing even more mold, possibly even black mold.

5) If I hadn't gone for ice cream we would have never known that the fridge was leaking until it was great big mess the next morning when we wouldn't have had time to do anything.


So you see even in the midst of all the troubles, there is always good to be found....you just have to look for it.

Sidenote conclusion:  A friend of mine texted me on Monday night after all the stuff that my hubby and I had been through to say that one of her kids was back in the hospital right after starting school and supposed to be starting a new job that now she doesn't know if she will still have.  So, for us, all these momentary problems don't look quite so bad anymore...........

Writer's block

So often I sit down to begin writing something with an idea in mind.  I get two sentences down and that is all there is, the wall goes up and the backspace key gets a workout.  The flashing icon mocking me as I stare at the screen.

Even now, I've started 3 or 4 different tales only to get 2-3 sentences in and then drawing a blank.

Blast you writer's block!  You won't even let me write about you!
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Writing your own Hallelujah

This morning in church my husband said something that punched me in the gut, a truth so deep it took my breath away, stripping me of any composure I had.   What he said was:

      "When you are in the midst of God's grace, sometimes you have to write your own Hallelujah"

Seems like an odd statement doesn't it?  And if I wasn't in the place I was at right now, I probably wouldn't have understood it.  It was a revelation for me....an "AHA!" moment and I lost it.  If I hadn't been at the front of the church(I'm on the worship team at church and this was just as we had finished singing the last song..... Hallelujah) I would have been a heap on the floor in the back.  As it was I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.

The meaning of Hallelujah is literally God be praised.  In the struggles of life we often forget to look for that Hallelujah, and there is always one to be found.  If nothing else, it is His Grace alone that deserves one.  For it is by His grace alone that we have been saved.

You see, I've been struggling lately.  I'm normally a very happy person, almost always with a smile on my face.  But lately, the smile doesn't come quite so naturally.  Things that used to bring me joy, now seem to leave me empty.   God has given me a grace to care for our aging parents.  I know He has.   But it's not easy and at times I resent it.  I want my life back.   And I forgot.   I forgot to look for the Hallelujah.

So, starting today I'm going to try harder to walk in that grace and if I have to.....I will write my own Hallelujah.



Sidenote:
When I started writing in my blog again my hope was that it would be helpful to others, yet still lighthearted and fun.   Yet, every time I sit down to start writing an entry, most with the intention of being fun and lighthearted, they get shut down....pushed to the side and I struggle to find the words that seemed all to clear to me before I opened my laptop to write.   Instead out comes words from a completely different direction.   So, it is what it is and I will just go where the keyboard takes me.

The importance of Flexibility

Dictionary.com defines flexibility as:

     1) capable of being bent, without breaking; easily bent. ie a flexible ruler
     2) susceptible of modification of adaption. ie a flexible schedule
     3) willing or disposed to yield; pliable : ie a a flexible personality

Back when I lived in Colorado our pastor always used that word when talking about going on a mission trip to a foreign country.  Our mission trips always had us staying in people's homes, which meant some meals would be home-cooked meals.  Our hosts were always generous and always went out of their way to provide for us.  But every once in awhile you might get something that you weren't expecting like flavored lard or blood sausage.  Our mission trips always had a tentative schedule, but through past experiences knew that it was always subject to change.  So our pastor always made sure that "flexible" was a staple word used and understood and because of that our trips were always an adventure filled with lots of fun and wonderful experiences that we wouldn't have had if weren't flexible.

Flexibility is also a wonderful word for a caregiver to have and to know and all three of those definitions can be applied to caregiving.   Because if you aren't flexible as a caregiver, life is only that much harder and you'll only make yourself miserable.  It's not easy, especially when you are thrown into that position due to circumstances and not as a career choice.

But as a caregiver I've learned that it's also important to be flexible as the person that is being taken care of.  If you, as the caregivee( I think I made up a new word ), the person being taken care of, can learn to be flexible life just might be a little bit more enjoyable.  You have to realize that it's not only your life that has been turned upside down.  Now, when you are dealing with someone suffering from Dementia or Alzheimers, this is a much more difficult choice to make.  Which is why you have to learn to be flexible early on, so that when memories fade, your personality won't.

So I glean what I can from these experiences, learning to be more flexible.   Life is one big mission trip and I want to enjoy all that it has for me, including the flavored lard and blood sausage that may come my way. 

Apparently, I'm a little stressed.

When you are a full-time caregiver for a family member it's important to remember to take care of yourself....mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.   If you don't, you may find yourself in a worse position then the one the person you are caring for is in.  You have to learn to accept the help when it is offered and not worry about what someone might think.  You should NEVER have to do it alone and shouldn't. 

Which brings me to today's post.  I went to the doctor today because I've had sore jaw for almost two weeks.  I've never had it hurt for this long before, maybe a day or two but that is it.  This time it has been lingering, almost excruciating at times, shooting pain in to my ear.  I thought for sure I had some sort of ear infection.  I finally got tired of fighting it, so I made the appointment..........no infection.  After a brief exam and some questions, the doctor recommended I see a dentist.  So I popped over to my dentist to see when I could get an appointment, only they got me right in instead.(Score!!)  She was polite, asked me questions, and listened to what was going on and informed me I have TMJ....which is the fancy letters to mean pain in the jaw. LOL

The part I'm leaving out is the question both the doctor and dentist asked me......Are you under a lot of stress?   Who me???  Why, I have no idea whatever they could mean.  Having your in-laws move in with you?? Stressful.  Being the primary caregiver for your mother-in-law?? Stressful.  Working while taking care of your mother-in-law?? Stressful.  So, yeah I guess you could say I might be under some stress.  Enough stress apparently, I must be clenching and/or grinding my teeth in my sleep.

Sidenote: The doctor did get a little more prodding in her questions because not only did my jaw hurt, but apparently my blood pressure was a little elevated......okay, more than a little.  I didn't think about it at first, but one of her questions was if I ever experienced chest pains.  YIKES!!  Now, disclaimer....the high blood pressure is not strictly from the caregiving, I could definitely eat better and lose some weight, but it is a factor that doesn't help.

This is why I say it's important to take care of yourself, to take some time FOR yourself.  I am fortunate that I have a great support system at home.  My husband and youngest son (19) are a big help, so I'm not truly alone in this journey.  BUT, I do still have to make sure I pay attention and take the time away when I need it and that is something that is still a work in progress, a lot of work apparently.

As the caregiver, you think you are the only one that can do the job and do it correctly and that is a mindset I, myself, need to change.  It's like the wife that rearranges the dishwasher after the kids or husband load it.  It's okay if things aren't done the way you do them.  Sure there are certain things that need to be done in caregiving, but that doesn't mean your way is the only way to do them.  All that does is add more stress to an already stressful situation, and it's an unnecessary stress to add.

So, I'm going to take the muscle relaxer the dentist prescribed and get better at taking care of myself and taking time for myself....because I deserve it.

The dangers of commercials

My mother-in-law is a hoarder.  Not quite worthy of an episode on the tv show, but I think that is only because of her husband.  Left to her own devices....well.....

So it's been quite the change of environment for her when she moved in with us.  She did really good leaving a lot of stuff behind, but she did still have the urge.  We would go out to eat and she would grab any extra napkins she could.  If it was a fast food restaurant it would also include any plasticware she used.  We would find spoons and napkins in the travel diabetes bag we used and used straws on her stand next to her.  Upon finding them, we never said anything, we just quietly tossed them out and she really was none the wiser.  We knew not to question the action, it only ended in an argument. 

Fast forward the eight months since the in-laws moved in with us.   When they moved in we got them each a DVR so they could record and watch all the shows they like to watch.  They had DISH back in Colorado so they were also spoiled being able to fast forward through the commercials and my mother-in-law talked incessantly about how she hated commercials for the past 6 of the last 8 months.  Then she had a mini stroke and was in the hospital for a week, followed by skilled nursing for another 3 weeks.   Well, they didn't have DVR's or the ability to fast forward through commercials so she got out of the habit of doing it, plus after the stroke her memory had gotten a little worse.

So, now she has a tendency to forget to fast forward the commercials and ends up watching them.  The only problem is that it tends to "wake up" that hoarding complex and the need to buy things.  Most of the things are not something she would EVER use or need.....but that isn't the point with a hoarder......they just want things.

Some of the things she wants: 

1) New insurance.  She has STELLAR insurance and with the diabetes needs it.  Most of her prescriptions cost pennies.  I think between all doctor visits, hospital stays, etc. they've had to pay hardly anything.  But the ad for Medicare insurance programs convinced her she needed new insurance and asked for 2 weeks straight about it before moving on.

2) Microwave egg cooker.  She thought the Egglettes cooker looked like a great idea and she wanted one.  The problem here.....she doesn't eat eggs.  She hates eggs.  We pointed that out to her, which she replied, " I know, but it would work for eggs in potato salad".  To which we shook our heads and silently giggled, because.....she doesn't cook anymore and hasn't for YEARS!! I think the last time she actually cooked anything was Thanksgiving 1998 or somewhere around there.  Her cooking mostly consisted of heating up a microwave dinner.

3) Plexaderm.  This is apparently a cream for the bags under your eyes and wrinkles on your face.   She's suddenly decided she wanted to get rid of the bags and wrinkles.  Which she really doesn't have many wrinkles, and the bags are because she doesn't sleep.  Plus....she's 80 and sits in a chair(now a bed) all day.  What on earth would she need Plexaderm for???  But it's free to try she says and we should go to the website to find out about it.   Thank goodness she doesn't have access to the internet.

4) Better Clean Silicone Sponge.  This one is the kicker.  She told me she would love to get this, and thought anyone that owned a home would love one.  What made this the best one, especially for my husband, is that fact that I'm not sure she's cleaned a dish in her life.  Remember those microwave dinners??  Yeah, no dishes there.  Somehow this is something she needs to have though.

Thank goodness she hasn't found HSN or QVC.  There is a reason we don't keep the phone or her wallet by her bed.

Go with the flow

One of the things I've learned being a caregiver, is to be flexible.   Not flexible as a caregiver, but flexible as a person.  To learn to go with the flow and not be so set in my ways I end up being miserable and causing the people around me to be miserable.  Life is too short for that.

I love my mother-in-law, but things have to be a certain way and there is no such thing as wanting to try anything new.  Oh, and it seems she hates everything.....except ice cream.....strawberry ice cream, not chocolate, not vanilla, but strawberry.

Making meals for her is a challenge because there isn't much that she will eat and the things she does eat she gets tired of and says she never wants to have again.  It's a balancing act trying to spread out what she will eat so that it doesn't come off the menu.   Of course, if we go long enough we can sometimes "reintroduce" the things she has sworn off.   I don't think I've ever seen her make a happy face when giving her options to choose from, it's usually a turned up nose.   The only time she gets excited is if I mention ice cream.

Even when we go out to eat, it's the same thing.  She turns up her nose at whatever they have and usually wants a combination of something that isn't even offered.  We had to stop letting her pick her food.  She would say she wanted something and then when she got exactly what she said she wanted, she picks at it, making faces as she eats.  Oh, and don't argue that it was exactly what she ordered, she'll deny it all the way to the grave.

Somedays, I don't think she knows how to be happy.  She definitely doesn't know how to go with the flow and that is not a person I want to be.  I want to enjoy life and all the experiences it wants to throw at me, even the caregiving.

What did I get myself into?

When I "signed on" to be my mother-in-law's caregiver I didn't fully realize what that would entail.  I knew my father-in-law did things for her, but I figured it was mostly just getting her food and making sure her blood sugar levels were all right.   It's been a lot more than that.

You see my mother-in-law has spent the majority of her 80 years in a recliner.  20+ years ago when I met her, she was mobile, but ate and slept in a recliner.  I didn't think much of it, the sleeping seemed a little weird, but to each their own.   She was walking and taking care of herself.  About 10 years ago she broke her leg.  She is not a tiny woman, so getting around became almost impossible.   Because of her diabetes and how she managed it (not well), my father-in-law didn't want her to get out of the chair very often because if she had a low blood sugar she would fall.

You know the fairytale: Jack sprat could eat no fat and his wife could eat no lean......well that is them.   Now my father-in-law was a strong man in his day, but he is definitely lean.   At 75-80 it was beginning to take a toll on him, probably long before that.   He couldn't lift her and would have to call for help, whether it be from a friend or 911.  So the chair became her way of life.   Eventually, she moved to a lift recliner, because it made it easier for her to get out of it, especially on days when she wasn't feeling very strong.

Fast forward to now.  We knew she basically didn't leave the house anymore except for doctor's appointments.   When my husband went back to help get them ready to move out here he got to see first hand how bad things had truly gotten.  He tried to give me a heads up, but until you are actually in the middle of it, you really have no idea what to expect.   It's like having a baby to take care of again, a very large baby.  The only difference......in most cases, you have time to prepare and are looking forward to your new bundle of joy.  It's usually something you have planned for.

While we knew that at some point we would be taking care of them, it still came about rather suddenly.   Thankfully, we had put in a handicap bathroom in the area where my mother-in-law would be staying because we knew we would need it.   But it seemed like overnight it happened.  One day I was looking forward to spending time with my husband as the kids were grown, and the next I was thrust back into the role as caregiver to a baby.  Back to wiping butts and giving baths.   Suddenly I was at another person's beck and call, want and need.

Taking care of your parents is not an easy task by any means.  It is a big commitment and responsibility and one not to take on flippantly, but, it is the right thing to do.   And as much as my mother-in-law drives me crazy, I still choose this over putting her in a home.   That doesn't mean that won't happen, but for as long as we are able we will take care of her. 

Disclaimer!

The thing about blogging is knowing what to share.  For me this is kind of like a release valve.  It's not always going to be sunshine and lollipops, that's not how life works.  There are good days and bad days and I try to take all of them in stride.

That being said, I know there are friends and family that read my blog so......

Disclaimer:
You may not always like what I share, it may seem to personal.....especially on the caregiving side.  But the thing is life isn't pretty and caregiving isn't easy.  We live in bodies of disgrace and we are all imperfect beings, so if I share something that you think maybe I shouldn't, or is a little to "personal"......well, get over it.  My goal is to be able to help someone else, like my friend's blog helped me when I needed it.  I want people to know they are not alone.  I want people to know that it's hard, but it does have it good days.   But mostly, I'm doing this for myself and for my sanity.

Don't sweat the small stuff

Being a caregiver is not an easy job.   Being a caregiver to a parent is even harder.  The child becomes the parent, but the parent still wants to be the parent.   It's a fine line to walk while still trying to give them the respect they deserve as your elder. 

It's a constant struggle and one that, if you're not careful can take a toll.   You learn to pick your battles and if you're smart you try to avoid the unimportant ones as much as possible.

Case in point......we had fajitas this evening.  I love fajitas, especially when the hubby makes them....he really is a good cook.  Anyway......  I took a fajita to my mother-in-law with her side of sour cream and guacamole and was getting ready to go up and eat mine when she suddenly decided I needed to cut it up for her.  Now mind you, I have NEVER cut it up for her before and expressed my surprise that she wanted it cut up this time to which she adamantly said that I always cut it up for her.

Now I had two options, continue to argue with her raising both our blood pressures, or move on.  I really wanted to argue, to be right.....but taking a deep breath I instead, conceded the point and said I wasn't going to argue......and never one to let someone else have the last word, she curtly said she wasn't going to either. 

This has now become my life, when to enter the battlefield (Yes, you do need to wear your oxygen if you still want to live) and when to just sit on the sidelines (Yes, you really were asleep and not just resting your eyes).  I don't always make the right choice, but I'm getting better at spotting them. 

Side note:  Just because you decide to sit on the sidelines doesn't mean you won't get frustrated in doing so.   The sooner you can let the small stuff go, the happier you'll be....trust me!  Now, if only I can follow my own advice.

This is my life - Part 2

The year was 2015.  My youngest graduated from high school in May and my oldest graduated from college in December.  My mother moved out sometime in between.  Oh, and we got a dog....Gidget.

 Isn't she a cutie!!

This was also the year I went back to work for the first time in almost 20 years!  I never graduated from college, and unlike most people, really have no desire to go back for a degree.   Mostly, I just wanted to get out of the house.  I didn't need to work, but I wanted to.  My only problem was I had no idea even where to begin.  I wanted to be a receptionist, but everything I applied for wanted experience in programs I knew nothing about.  I started thinking about taking some classes so that I could add it to my sparse resume.  Instead, I got a job as a cashier at a local grocery store.  I didn't mind it, but standing on my feet all day was killer!  I enjoyed all the people and actually being able to interact with them.

About two months into that job someone told me about an opening at a local office for the front desk.  I thought what the heck I would apply.  After two interviews, I got the job!  I was going to be working at the front desk!  I started Thanksgiving week of that year.  

Oh, I almost forgot, this was also the year I colored my hair for the first time in my life.  I didn't really color it, but got highlights, lots of highlights, and I loved them!  I wished I had the courage to do it earlier!  But better late than never!

Fast forward to 2017.  Things began to change once again.   My oldest moved out, got engaged and then married all before the year was even over.  My youngest was still trying to figure out who he was and what he wanted to do with his life, in fact he still is.  My mother, bless her heart moved two times, into what we hope will be the last place for awhile.  Which brings us to the latest chapter in this ever changing thing called life.

In July 2017, my husband(and his brother) and I began the process of moving his parents out here to live with us for health reasons and once again I was thrust into the role of caregiver.  Only this time, I was the main caregiver, unlike the last time when my mother was and I was just the helper.   It's amazing what time does to a person's memory.   I had actually thought I did more than I did last time, when in reality I was more just an observer there to help as needed.   This time, it was my mother-in-law who needed the help as she is diabetic and not very mobile, so the caregiving fell to me by default as the lone female in the house.  Well, except the dog, but I don't think she would be much help.

My youngest has been a big help as he is home while hubby and I are at work.   I know that is a big part of what is keeping him from moving on and it pains me.  We, the hubby and I, are constantly telling him to "save himself" and get a job to get out of the house.   While grandpa may drive him crazy, he has a soft heart when it comes to his grandma and wants to help, but he can only do so much and as we've told him, it is not his burden or responsibility to carry.  I just pray he can find the strength to let go and get on with his life.

So....this is my life.  I work outside the home and when I'm not working, I am taking care of my mother-in-law.  Which is why I've decided to start blogging again.   As I found out when I was just the helper, sometimes you just need to vent.  And as I found out from my friend Nancy and her blog, there may be others out there that need to know they are not alone.  That being a caretaker to your parent(s), or in-laws for that matter, is not all roses and smiles.    There will be good times and there will be bad times, but the key is to dwell in the good and brush off the bad.  And I hope through this blog I can do just that.

This is my life - Part 1

Hello everyone, it's been a long time......too long!  So long I don't even know how or where to begin.  Life as I knew it has changed.  Gone are the days of being a stay at home mom that homeschooled her kids.....they grew up and I got a job.  Gone are the days of taking care of my kids, instead I get to take care of the parents, and not just my parents, but the in-laws.....I'll get to that part in another post.

Life is funny that way, it never goes as you expect or plan......there's a quote by Woody Allen, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans".....while I don't necessarily thinks He laughs AT us, I do think He smiles like a father would when his child tries to tells him how he could do a better job.

That's where I feel I am at....the Father, patting my head and smiling.  Now don't get me wrong, I know that His plans and ways are better then my own, and while I may not understand them as I walk them out, I know they are the best for me.  BUT, that doesn't mean I don't complain and moan at times.

The real change in my life started back in 2013.  Those that have read my posts probably remember a blog or two about my mom and stepdad moving out here and in with us, while that did take place in 2013, my life changed before they even arrived.  You see it was that year my husband, and with my support, started a church in our town.  We were hungry for the Word of God and the Holy Spirit.  While there are plenty of good churches in our town that preach the Word, we couldn't find any that really allowed the Holy Spirit to be a part of it.  So, we started a church in our basement and I became not a Pastor's wife, but a wife of a Pastor and yes, there is a difference.

Except for close friends, I told no-one.  You see, when someone finds out you are a Pastor, or the wife of a Pastor, they suddenly feel like they have to act differently around you, when they really don't need to with me.  I'm still the same dorky sinner that I was before we started the church, so I've kept that part of my life, while not hidden,  not out in the open.   Over the past 5yrs, I've slowly began to open that part of my life up to others and will continue to do so, taking it one day at a time.  I guess by posting this here, it's pretty open!

Anyway, about 4 months after we started the church, we were able to move into a building and it was none to soon as my mother and step-dad were coming out here to live with us so I could help in his care.  He had been diagnosed with advanced dementia at the beginning of the year and really hadn't fought it, so it was progressing rather rapidly.  My mother was unable to care for him by herself so we moved them into our basement that July.  I shared some of those stories here, here, and here...along with a couple others.  He passed that November peacefully in his sleep, just shy of his 84th birthday.

My mother continued to live with us while she got some things for herself taken care of, then she moved into a place of her own just across town.  Our house was ours again for the first time in over two years, but things were beginning to change again............